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May, 2012

  1. Recognize My Plight, Respect My Fight

    May 31, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Sir Higgins sure liked the long weekend. He was not happy that we returned to work. This is “the look” of “Schnauz-tude” (for those who don’t know, Schnauzers have attitude…I call it Schnauz-tude). This is Higgins’ certified Class A STINK EYE! He gave me this dirty look as I was getting ready to leave for work this morning.

    “You’re really never going to drink again? Not even one beer or a glass of wine with dinner?”

    If I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a thousand times lately. I keep hearing this from everyone. I always thought that recognizing your own problem was the hardest part. Not in my case. Isn’t it usually the family who does an intervention on the alcoholic? Not in my circles…I think I’m going to have to do an intervention on my friends and some of my family!

    (Not my mom and dad of course…they have been pleading with me for years to quit drinking…needless to say, they are in FULL support of my indefinite sobriety!)

    And my BIL was totally cool with it…his reply was “well, at least we know we’ll always have a designated driver when you’re around” (hmm, gee thanks…I mean, I’m happy to keep you safe, but really??) Don’t get me wrong, I have an awesome, very handsome BIL who would never say anything to be unkind. He is really sweet and a great husband to my SIL. I think he was just speaking “off the cuff”. I probably would have thought the same thing! Sober? Awesome, someone to drive us around! Yup, I know that’s what I would have thought.

    How can someone other than you decide whether or not you have an addiction? I don’t need a six pack or even a single beer to get myself started in the morning, but I also don’t see any hour as “too early” to start drinking…after all, that’s why some genius mixologist invented the Mimosa and the Bloody Mary. It’s part of an amazing weekend breakfast….that for me turns into an all day drinking binge.

    How can I get them to understand that their suggestion that I just have a glass of wine with dinner is not a viable solution for my situation.  If I open a bottle of wine, even with good intentions to only have “a glass with dinner”, it just doesn’t end there. I drink the whole bottle.

    It’s been hard enough to come to terms with my own addiction. Now I have to convince others that I DON’T need to drink any more. I have tried and tried to identify a  proper definition of addiction in order to determine whether or not I have a problem. The result of my search is this….There is no simple definition. There is no cut and dry explanation of alcoholism.

    What is an alcoholic supposed to look like? Others who have identified themselves as an alcoholic…did you have similar habits to mine? Did my pal from Bitten and Bound drink like I did or is her story completely different? Was she the “textbook drunk”? Am I the “textbook drunk”? What is the “textbook drunk”? Is there a “textbook drunk”?

    This is what I know:

    • I know that nine times out of ten when I “just have a glass of wine with dinner”, I usually end up drinking the bottle and then I look for more.
    • I know that most often when I drink, I drink #1. To Intoxication, #2. To Blackout, AND #3. Lose all control of how much I consume.
    • I know that once the “switch is turned on”, it doesn’t turn off until my body starts shutting down….aka I pass out.
    • I know that I can’t just sit with that lovely buzzed feeling. As soon as I get a little bit of a head change, I just want to keep drinking more and more….until I pass out.
    • I know that I can’t appreciate a cheese plate with crackers and fresh fruit without a bottle of wine. My thought is “what would be the point?” My mom and I just discussed this recently and she was so sad for me at the thought of such a thing. She can’t understand where I am coming from because she doesn’t share my struggle.
    • I don’t know how to REALLY have FUN without a drink in my hand.
    • The other day, I was listening to some music that I really love and enjoy and the thought crossed my mind how much MORE I would enjoy the music if I had a buzz. Music sounds better, nature is more beautiful, sporting events are more fun, conversations are more stimulating, you get to have silly times with friends….everything in life is more enjoyable while I’m drinking.
    • I know that I drank my “imaginary Mimosa” the other morning at brunch with my family. I still think about it, I still dream about it. I still have a love affair with it. I don’t think I ever WON’T have those feelings about alcohol.
    • I know that if the restaurant we were at the other morning had $2 Mimosa’s, I would have already set my mind to spending $10 before I had a single sip…..and then I’d probably decide I could get away with another Mimosa or two after that. Did I mention I sometimes like a splash of vodka in my Mimosa? Just for that extra kick.
    • I know that my answer to a rough, stressful day is a few drinks….which turns into many drinks.

    People think it is a lack of willpower. People think that I can just have one drink, I just choose not to. Don’t they remember what it was like to be around me when I was drinking? I wasn’t a mean drunk. I wasn’t an argumentative drunk. I was a very loving drunk. I knew no strangers, I was the epitome of “social butterfly”. I was impulsive, I was the life of the party, I was FUN!

    As I am writing this, my mister informs me that I have it all backwards….he sheds some enlightenment into what it was like to deal with “the social butterfly”, the impulsive one, the “life of the party”. It turns out, I was “the life of the party” in my own mind and the only person that was having FUN was me. As I would go around to random strangers, greeting them, spreading my cheery spirit around, my mister would be going behind me, apologizing to the nice people for this drunken idiot he was with. (“Drunken idiot”….those are my words, not his.)

    I once went out on a first date with a guy on Wine Night. Well, he quickly learned THAT was a HUGE mistake….and that was the last date. He dropped me off at my house and never called again. Who could blame him, I was a raging alcoholic! He was a nice guy with a great job, looking for someone to date. Clearly I was NOT in the same place in my life.

    One reason that it has been so hard for me to determine if I am truly that word  (alcoholic, said in whispers of course) is because in college it is what everyone else did too. At what point did everyone else become responsible? I must have been drunk when that happened.

    When I entered the “real world”, I discovered Happy Hour with co workers! They would have their “after work drinks”, talk shop, and they knew when it was time to end the after work gathering. They went home at the end of happy hour and then came to work refreshed the next day. When I went to happy hour, I would have my “after work bottle of wine”. At some point, all of my coworkers would wrap it up and go home, being all “responsible” and stuff while I was planning which bar I would visit next. “I was just getting started, y’all! Where’s the party at?” My philosophy was “guys, you just got me started, you can’t leave me hanging like this!” Even if I had to stay at the bar by myself I would….there’s always someone at the bar who is willing to talk to you. (Wow, as I read this even I think that’s really sad!) Unfortunately I would report to work the next morning, having a few hours of sleep and a shower (if I was lucky), reeking of booze, looking and feeling GREEN. Remember Mr. Yuk? Yeah, I felt like him! A LOT! Trust me, not many employers will tolerate you puking into the garbage can under your desk. (Yes, I did that….it had been a Tequila kind of night.)
    There is a new girl in our office and she’s already asked if we go out for drinks together after work as a group. I said no, but what I really wanted to say was No, and BE GLAD! She has come to learn of my story and still asks…“You can’t even have just one drink??”

    One of the reasons I have loved the latest book I’ve been reading (Unwasted by Sacha Z. Scoblic) is because I can relate so well to her and her feelings of “Now What?” when she entered into sobriety. I can identify with her story of meeting someone new, a potential new friend who says “let’s go out for drinks sometime”….because that happened to me just recently. You have to tell them you don’t drink, but in the very next breath, you feel the need to say “but I’m still fun!” so they won’t completely write you off. Even I think people who don’t drink are bores-ville.

    The truth is, I am SAVING them from meeting this other girl that lurks within me, just waiting for the first glimpse of alcohol to let her out. People who haven’t met the drunk me don’t know what they are NOT missing out on!

    Now, dear friends and faithful readers….YOU be the judge….do I have a problem? Am I an addict? Do I need to stay away from this legal and very addicting drug that has full capability and intention to ruin lives?

    ……I think I already know the answer to that question. I just hope that I can find the support I truly need from those I care about.

    My mom asked me today if I think I am going to need help or some sort of treatment program after my Scram comes off to help me stay sober. Her question irritated me and I said no…..but how do I know? What will a treatment program do for me at this stage? I won’t be going through detox, I’ve been sober for 135 days. I suppose I may need some support to STAY sober once my Scram comes off. After what I have just told you, I hardly think I should need more convincing that it is time to draw a definitive line for my drinking habit. It’s not “one with dinner” and that’s it. It is a cut and dry situation (pardon the pun). I CAN’T DRINK. EVER.

    When all of this started, I thought the outcome would be simply to not drink and drive ever again. For me, the experience has been even more life changing and certainly enlightening. I obviously have issues with addiction.

    “Really? You can’t even have just one drink?” Can I expect this question for as long as I choose to maintain sobriety? Will they ever understand? Will I ever just be Britton, the girl we like to hang out with, who has a cute sense of humor and oh by the way she doesn’t drink…but she’s still fun, buy her a Shirley Temple!!

     

     

    Category Life Pre Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,, | 11 Comments

  2. B and Silent Scram Strike Back

    May 30, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Do you remember this movie?

    Well, watch out world because there is a new dynamic duo out there….B and Silent Scram!

    I was so very stressed out about my Scrammy #1 becoming so noisy, especially at work, so my sweet Gabriele and her sidekick sent a new Scram to the local provider’s office. Remember the guy who changed my battery? His name is Matt. Well, he was SO nice and did another “favor” for us….he saved me a trip back to Tennessee! He does this out of the kindness of his heart and I am SO extremely grateful for him and his Scram tools. It must have been my Gabriele’s charming German accent and great sense of humor that won him over :) He says that if he ever has a Scrammer in Knoxville, hopefully Pecharelyse and her peeps will return the favor. I feel pretty confident that they will.

    It was Wednesday before my new Scram was delivered to the local office, so I had to wrap my leg with an ace bandage for a few days. It did a great job of muffling the sound, but by the end of the day it was really hot and my skin was pretty irritated. Not only did I wrap my leg, I tried my best to maintain a low profile in the office and luckily nothing more was said to me about the strange noise. Whew!

    Finally my new bracelet arrived and I was so excited!

    I swear I have the new and improved version…the one that makes almost NO NOISE! It is awesome! Seriously! You can’t hear it buzz from under my pant leg! I am SO pleased with Scrammy #2!

    Welcome Scrammy #2!! I secretly hoped it would look like Charlie Sheen’s house arrest bracelet in the Fiat commercial, but I figured I wouldn’t get that lucky.

    No word back from the Tipsy Transit peeps about getting on Drinkinganddriving.org’s National Designated Driver list, but don’t you worry….I am determined to get them on that list and I’ll be tracking them down!!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, Noisy Scram, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,, | No Comments

  3. Find A Driver Near You!

    May 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Check out the new awesome video from our girl Missy  at Bitten and Bound and the fabulous folks at DrinkingandDriving.org!

    What great information! Have you checked out the National Directory of Designated Drivers? Did you even know such a thing exists? So cool! I looked up Georgia and at the top of the list was Butts County. Immediately my maturity level dropped to that of a grade schooler and I giggled….a lot.

    Then I scrolled down to my county and noticed it isn’t listed. DANG! You know, I think I will contact the Tipsy Transit folks and see if they would be interested in adding their service to the list. We need to get on that list, y’all!

    I am SO very happy to report that there is a service in Knoxville, TN (where I had my crash)! SO Knoxville friends…..there is NO reason for you not to call The Scooter Guy!! His phone number is so clever…855-scoot-4U !! I love it! I need to find out who exactly this scooter guy is and tell him thank you for the wonderful services he is providing!

    So perhaps by now you’ve noticed by now that I’ve mentioned Miss Missy Germain a time or two. Well, I keep learning more and more about her and I think she is a really amazing person. She and I have something in common, which makes me love her and respect her even more…sobriety. She has been sober for 6 years! For the longest time, I have always just known of  Missy as my friend A’s Bitten and Bound business partner who lives in Minnesota. (Being from Wisconsin, that part definitely caught my attention!) It was not until my crash, finding out the resulting punishment, and deciding to tell my story about it, that A told me more about Missy. Through my experience, I have slowly gotten to know more and more about her and feel so happy to be connected with such a strong, wonderful, inspirational woman! And I’m not the only one who thinks she’s awesome….“Her Social Network”  just featured Missy as their Inspirational Woman of the Week and did this story……

    If she can do it, I can do it! Here’s to sobriety!!

    Have you checked ou my countdown clock lately?…I have less than 60 days left with Scrammy. Oooh, scary! I’m winding down and sobriety will be completely up to me! No pressure….

    Category SCRAM | Tags: ,,,,, | 4 Comments

  4. Refreshed and Ready

    May 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    (Originally written Sunday May 20, 2012)

    “Drinking is like playing poker. You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em and you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em.”    

    Hmm, sounds like poker AND a Kenny Rogers song…

    “Maybe for some, but I know when it is time to walk away and that time for me has come.” 

    - Car conversation between my mister and me on defining alcoholism and determining where to draw the line

    We have had a wonderful weekend in Florida with our families! As we begin our journey back to Georgia, I am feeling refreshed and ready to face the world as I return to my regular weekly routine tomorrow. I am definitely in a much better place than I was when you last heard from me!

    There is just something about being where my parents live….I sleep SO well!! There must be something in the air or the water or something in their community, but it relaxes me to the max. I feel like I am on a wonderful vacation when I am there.

    We spent lots of time on the golf course this weekend and today my dad said I was “stylin’” in my golfing outfit. My dad told me I was stylin’! Isn’t he so cute??? :)

    See my naughty Scrammy? My mom came up with a great way to try to “muffle” the sound Scrammy is making – an ACE bandage! Is she smart or what! The first time my mom heard Scrammy’s obscene noise, she thought it was a strange noise coming from across the room….that’s how strange and noisy it is.

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, Noisy Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments

  5. Dear Scrammy: You’re Too Loud!

    May 19, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Well, it finally happened..I got called out at work when my Scram vibrated. This is NOT cool, y’all.

    I don’t know why, but my Scram has become loud. Oh, let’s get real…it’s become downright NOISY! As I was standing in the office yesterday, just as I was headed out the door, it happened. My Scram took a very loud reading and my employer said “UGH, what was THAT NOISE??” I said nothing. It was just me and her and I said NOTHING. I just prayed it would pass and that nothing more would be said about it. Luckily, that is exactly what happened. I knew I had escaped for the very last time. The jig is up. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m going to have to take my sweet Gabriele up on her offer to replace my bracelet with a new, much quieter one.

    As soon as I left the office, I was dialing Gabriele. It was my official 911 call.

    I believe Gabriele was off celebrating another year of fabulous because she wasn’t there. That’s okay though, I knew I was in good hands with her fearless sidekick John. Sure enough, he knew just what to do to get the process started to rush me a new Scrammy. He said it would take about one week for my Scram buddy here in town to receive it.

    Don’t you love my Scram skin, all scaly and dry and gross? Yeah, it’s awesome.

    It is probably just as well that we are switching it out for a new one, since the belt loop has finally broken completely off. It must have happened one night while I was sleeping because I found that little rubber piece in my bed.

    I dread returning to work Monday now. Will I be confronted about the strange noise I’ve been making lately? What will I say? How will I explain? Will my complete and utter honesty serve me well? I have thought about calling it a “medical device” if I am ever asked. Will they want details? Will that fly in a healthcare setting? Should I tell them it is a punishment from a car accident? Should I say I’ve had issues with alcohol and this device that I am wearing is helping me get sober? If I say that, will they think I used to be a daily drunk who needed a fix to get the day started? That’s not the type of alcoholic I am. Will they think I am a risk and regret hiring me? I am still in my 90 day “trial period”, will they say “Sayonara, nice knowin’ ya”? My work environment is highly political, very professional, and pretty conservative. I don’t know how I will be received if I have to come out with the secret hidden under my pant leg. If I am confronted, I don’t know anything other than the truth as my response, but what will that mean for my budding career in my new town? If they could only see where I have come from and where I am now….how dedicated I am to indefinite sobriety; how AWARE I am of the problem I have and am trying desperately to overcome; how PASSIONATE, DEDICATED, and OUTSPOKEN I am about DRUNK DRIVING.

    I made a bad choice. I made that same bad choice many MANY times before I had to pay for it.

    I am trying hard to not let this get me down and stress me out, but I woke up at 3am last night/this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I couldn’t stop stressing about this. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, worrying about how I will face going to work next week. Every time my Scram took a reading and that loud noise went off, I was reminded that I am going to have to go back to work and try to navigate this situation until my new Scrammy arrives.

    Please hurry, Scrammy…HURRY HURRY HURRY!!!

    Please let this be a lesson to those of you who haven’t had to go through it, just DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.

    Make a different choice than I did so that you will never have to worry about how to explain to an employer.

    Spare yourself LOTS of expense, LOTS of stress you don’t even know you would experience, and most importantly SAVE LIVES. DO NOT, under any circumstances, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries, SCRAM Tear | Tags: | 4 Comments

  6. Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag, Gabriele!

    May 18, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Today is a really special day. Do you want to know why?
    Because it’s my Gabriele‘s birthday!! I happened to talk to her sidekick at the mothership today and he told me it was her special day. Did you know that my fabulous Gabriele has a sidekick? Yup, she sure does! They are like Bat(wo)man and Robin, but they are my real life Scrammy superhero duo! “Robin” called me today because he needed to clarify my card number for my next to last Scram payment!! Only ONE more payment left, I can hardly believe it!! Before I know it, Scrammy and I will be saying goodbye to one another…..what a bittersweet thought.

    We had our own little birthday celebration for Gabriele tonight at our house! She was here in spirit….we even had her birthday cupcakes on my GERMAN Rosenthal dessert plates! It was special :) Gabriele is special to me.

    My philosophy on unpleasant situations, or having to do things you don’t necessarily want to do…..like stop drinking, learn some lessons, wear something around your ankle that irritates your skin, itches, and makes dirty noises….it is all about your attitude. I had a good attitude AND I was lucky enough to have some really wonderful people helping me along the way in my Scram Journey.

    Really, though I have some great people looking after me and Scrammy. Let’s see, we have Gabriele and her sidekick, Pecharelyse from the Sheriff’s Department, Kathleen from AMS, all of you awesome Scrammers who have shared your stories with me, Joe Neighbor, the awesome peeps at drinkinganddriving.org, Missy from bittenandbound.com and her AWESOME public service announcements about drunk driving (see my sidebar), my family, my mister, my rockstar attorney, my twitter peeps…….lots of great peeps! Everyone has been amazing!! THANK YOU!!! (And if I missed anyone, which I know I missed at least someone, my memory is horrible, but you ARE appreciated!!!!)

    Oh, and speaking of dirty noises…..as I told you before, my Scrammy is getting loud. Real loud. It’s kind of embarrassing. It sounds like a duck…..and you know what else sounds like a duck, don’t you? Farties! Basically I go around making obscene noises every 30 minutes, but without any odor….and people probably think I eat lots of beans and have little control of my faculties. Thanks, Scrammy!

    But, have no fear, for it’s Gabriele to the rescue once again!  Here she comes to save the day….Gabriele is on her way! - sung to the tune of the Mighty Mouse theme song – (Okay, now she has earned a cape…with sequins of course AND a super hero song!)

    When we spoke yesterday, she first informed me that I have the Special Edition Scram Bracelet…..you know, the one that makes animal noises! After we finished roaring with laughter, she asked me about the noise and said that if it had become too loud or bothered me, she could send a new Scram to the man who changed my battery and we’d see if he would just swap it out. Wasn’t that nice of her? She’s awesome! I told her let’s hold off for now, but I appreciate her suggestion and will definitely let her know if and/or when I am ready to take her up on her offer.

    Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag Gabriele!

    (Did I say that right? I hope so!)

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  7. Sobriety For Couples

    May 14, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Okay, y’all I’ve got a riddle for you

    …what do you get when you send an alcoholic who CAN’T drink to the store to get beer?

     I’ll tell you a little story while you ponder that one….

     My mister really likes to drink but has been doing fairly well controlling himself while I CAN’T drink. What I mean by I CAN’T is that with my Scram, I don’t even have a choice. I can have all the cravings I want, but  giving in is NOT even an option. Will power has absolutely nothing to do with it. I just know that I CANNOT drink alcohol. My mister is really trying to be supportive. Well, Thursday night he lost control and drank LOTS. I’ll spare you the dirty details, both for your sake and to protect his “innocence”. After all, I chose to air my dirty laundry to you, he didn’t.

    To see someone that I love so much fall into the grips of my biggest demon – alcohol – and lose all control made me despise the stuff. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs “ALCOHOL, GET OUT OF MY LIIIFFFEEEE!!!” I wanted to yell into eternity “ALCOHOL, QUIT COMPLICATING MY LIFE!!!” To see the way that alcohol changes and manipulates one’s personality is frightening and eye opening into my own behaviors of addiction. How could this stuff change someone I love so much so drastically? Does my personality change this much when I am drinking?? (I already know the answer to that question….) It definitely gives me any additional reason I may have needed to solidify my commitment to indefinite sobriety….even though I know it will be hard.

     The next morning (that would be Friday), when he was at work feeling less than perky, my mister told me that he’s thinking about giving up drinking for a while…..music to my ears!! Great idea!!! Hooray!!! All the praying I did Thursday night for him just to pass out had paid off! (My mister gets awfully chatty when he drinks…definitely one thing we have in common!)

    Would you believe he even took the keys, got in the car, and was going to drive somewhere?? I was absolutely stunned. After all that we’ve been through, living with me being on Scram, the Walk Like MADD, seeing all of those families who lost loved ones to drunk driving, seeing how such a BAD choice negatively impacted my/our lives and SO many other lives….HOW COULD HE!! I felt like he’d just slapped me in the face. What was he thinking? He wasn’t. As it turns out, he never left the driveway. He obviously had some speck of sense left in his foggy state of mind. When my mister decided to leave the house, our son and I were chatting, talking about how ridiculous this situation was. I saw my opportunity and I TOOK IT! (Of course this was only after I knew my mister was in the driveway, not going anywhere, not going to harm anyone)

    Our son is getting ready to turn 21 years old in September and I knew this was my prime opportunity to do my best momma naggin’, finger waggin’ and I seized it…..I said to him just what my mom said to me when I was his age, only I had his dad right there to say  ”SEE? See? He clearly has a problem and you could easily have the same one.” I told him that when he turns 21, if he chooses to have alcohol in his life, he needs to be SO careful and cognizant that it could get out of control. I hope he is learning some very valuable lessons. The issue of alcohol, alcoholism, drunk driving, and consequences is an IN YOUR FACE subject in our household EVERY SINGLE DAY right now and will continue to be as long as Scrammy is with me. It has to be. It has changed my daily life. It effects everything I do. It’s more than just an “I can’t drink alcohol” type of situation. Our son hears me call Pecharelyse at the Sheriff’s Office daily, he hears me call my lovely Gabriele to ask her to please charge me another $300 each month, he sees us trying to replace a vehicle. I hope and pray that he makes better decisions than his dad and I have.

    Hmmm, I sound like a real parent, huh? WOW! :) (I love him so much! Have I mentioned that I think he is awesome?)

    So, in an effort to come crawling out of the dog house, my mister suggested Friday night date night, which we usually do anyway but this time he had it all planned out. It is my favorite time of the week! We went to dinner and then saw Dark Shadows

    …..Johnny Depp AND my dreamboat mister in the same room for 2 hours! It was awesome. (Sorry if you just puked a little in your mouth. I try not to be too sappy.) And do you see Scrammy peeking out the bottom of my dress? Still wearing the palm tree!

    The movie theater wasn’t full, which was surprising….especially for a Friday night….so we were able to be “those people” who prop their feet up on the back of the chair in front of them. It was nice and comfy. During my days of drinking, I would have had lots to drink with dinner, and then passed out in the movie theater. It’s not so bad until I start to snore and have to be woken up.

    We had a wonderful date, which was a great start to Mother’s Day weekend!

    Then it happened….yesterday (Saturday). I was out doing some errands and my mister calls to ask if I will pick up some beer for the weekend. My heart sank and I felt really disappointed. What happened to his trial sobriety? I could identify because I’ve been there..I mean, haven’t we all? The hangover is gone, you have an ounce of your pride back, and it’s time to drink again! Yup, been there. It is a vicious cycle I know too well…..until Scrammy happened to me. Yet another reason Scrammy is one of the best things that has happened to me. I seriously doubt that without Scrammy, I’d have had the willpower to get 6 months of sobriety under my belt. I’m not there yet, but by the time Scrammy and I have to say farewell to each other, I will have 6 months sobriety! I plan to continue that sobriety and I hope that my mister will give some thought to his own drinking habits. He definitely has more control than I do, but he also likes to enjoy a drink or several from time to time.

    After I got my mister’s request, I was disappointed and then angry. I didn’t want to get the beer he was asking for. I don’t want a repeat of Thursday night. A relapse already??? I mean, no judgements, I’ve been there, but REALLY??? Are you freaking kidding me? He almost DROVE the car in that state of mind!!! And now he wants to get back to drinking??

    So….back to my riddle! Can you see where this is going? Have you figured it out? Do you think you know what you get when you send an alcoholic who CAN’T drink to the store for beer???

    Wait for it….

    wait for it…..

    Are you ready to see what I brought home??? Any guesses?

    Here we go….

    BAM! HOLLA!!!

    I sent our son a text message from the store to tell him what I was thinking of doing. We had a great chuckle over my plan to either come home with a 6 pack of O’Doul’s, you know…the non-alcoholic beer OR the nastiest, cheapest, most ghetto fabulous, grossest, most rookie beer I could find. I opted for the latter, the second I walked up to the beer case at the gas station and laid eyes on that 18 ounce Colt 45! Oh man, I was cheering myself on inside my head! Nicely done, Britton…Nicely done! What a genius little scheme! I picked up the Natural Light as the icing on the cake. All you drinkers out there probably think I’m mean and nasty. All you fellow alcoholics out there are probably thinking at least I didn’t get the non-alcoholic beer! I think it was absolutely genius!

    When I arrived home with my little gift, I casually announced that I wasn’t sure if he wanted cans or bottles, so I got both. HAHA!!!

    My mister didn’t think it was funny….but do you know what? He has been drinking that beer and thanks to me, probably at a slower pace than if it had been his beloved Miller Lite! He asked what he was supposed to do with the Colt 45. I told him to mix it with some orange juice and have a Brass Monkey. Oh I was rolling laughing!

    I wonder if there is a book out there called “Sobriety For Couples”. If not, perhaps I should write one.

    By the way, my Scrammy has been sounding rather sickly the last few days. When it takes a reading (vibrates), it is louder than normal and actually sounds less like vibrating or buzzing and more like a sick cow. That’s the best description of the sound that I can come up with. I know that I have read complaints that people have written about their Scram getting louder over time with the vibrating. Perhaps this is what is going on with mine. Who knows. I just know it’s going to be even more awkward when I am in a meeting at work and it goes off. “Oh sorry y’all, it’s just the sick cow under my pant leg.” I don’t think anyone will go for that.

    Category SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  8. Mother’s Day: Feeling Appreciated

    May 14, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    To all the Moms, Mommas, Mommies, and Grandmas, baby mommas, and puppy mommas out there, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!

    Whether you are a mom because you gave birth to your babies or whether you are a mom because your babies came into your life some other special way, I hope you feel appreciated today. I know I do! This is my very first Mother’s Day! I have to say, I’ve seriously been missing out on this great little holiday….

    My wonderful son surprised me with flowers and the most thoughtful card. Have I mentioned that I think he’s awesome? I do! I am so happy to have him in my life.

    When I married his dad, we agreed that “Step-Mom” is a dirty word and together we decided that he would refer to me as his “Other Mother”. It’s sweet and I love it! I am truly honored to get to be his Other Mother!

    Normally this whole Mother’s Day thing would have been an occasion that called for an all day drinking binge. You know, like Bill Cosby says, “Because I deserve it.” I would have probably had mimosas and bloody marys until about noon, then I would have probably stuck with vodka mixed with whatever I could find or else wine for the rest of the day. My Sunday would have been “wasted”….literally. Thanks to Scrammy and SOBRIETY, I had a wonderful day with my new little family!

    My mister, our son, and I went to  Okefenokee Swamp Park in Waycross, Georgia. My mister and I have been there once before, but wanted to take our son. We had been talking for weeks about going and decided this would be a great Sunday family activity. We saw SO many gators!

    One even ended up walking right to the middle of the sidewalk! One of the workers had to shoo it away and it did a face plant into the water, as there was a big drop that she (the gator) jumped off of. It was crazy, a little scary, but SO entertaining! They told us before we left to be sure to check under our car because the gators like to feel the warm asphalt and lay under vehicles from time to time. CREEPY! On our drive home, my parents called to make sure we made it out alive. My mom thinks gators are super scary. She’ll really freak when she finds out that our son actually held a 7 month old gator! Cute, isn’t he!

    My mister and I posed with Ol’ Roy! He was one big gator!

    We stopped at a gas station on our way to the swamp. I picked up my favorite road trip snack…corn nuts. They were a hit in the car and they were a hit in the swamp. My mister fed EVERYBODY he could! Including these guys.

    We watched a river otter show off for us….

    We fed Ol’ Roy…

    Don’t worry, he’s been dead since 1972. He’s stuffed. But my mister fed him a corn nut anyway.

    We took a boat tour through the swamp and then a train ride around it.

    On the train ride, we saw lots of old Moonshine stills. I was SO excited when I saw their sign.

    Even the Moonshiners know you shouldn’t drink and drive! Isn’t that cool?? :) We had a fantastic day at the swamp!

    For mother’s day, we sent my mom flowers. I think Easter Lilies smell amazing, so I decided that is what we would send. Here they are!

    My mom has been my best friend my whole life. We’ve always had a blast together and still do….even if it is just a telephone conversation on my way to work in the morning….which happens every morning! Starts my day off right. She’s the next person I call after Pecharelyse at the Sheriff’s Office!

    Reminisce with me for a moment, won’t you?

    She, along with my dad, has always been my biggest fan. I am so grateful to have such an amazing woman to be my guide through life. She was fortunate to be a stay at home mom and dedicated her life to raising me and teaching me all of the things she felt would make me a successful adult and I think she did a pretty good job :)

    This was the first time we laid eyes on each other. It was love at first sight.

    My Mom and Dad adopted me. I was 2 weeks old when I joined my family. My birth parents were 16 year old kids who made a very brave decision for me….adoption. If I could meet them, I would tell them THANK YOU!!! Thank you for giving me my Mom and Dad.

    I know nothing about my genetic medical history. If I were a gambling gal, I would bet that alcoholism probably runs in my genetic make-up. Just a hunch…I would say the odds would be favorable. Alcohol has never been a part of my Mom and Dad’s lifestyle or our household. They don’t drink and never were drinkers as I was growing up. I just wasn’t around it. I had my first taste of alcohol when I was around 13 or so and then when I got to high school, I did the typical experimental drinking, as a lot of kids do…..and I always got caught. My mom was always 2 steps ahead of me, I couldn’t get away with anything! She was SO good at her investigative work that she caught me drinking on Christmas NIGHT (we’d had Christmas dinner with family friends and I was drinking beer with their kids in their basement), got my dad and I in the car, and drove me straight to the police station to turn me in! She wanted to scare me. She loved me and didn’t want her teenaged daughter drinking. Who could blame her? Personally I think she had  big “kahunas” to do that! She REALLY loves me! A LOT!! Needless to say, the police saw what was going on and what she was trying to accomplish. They had a scary chat with me about consequences and sent me home with my parents. Did I mention it was CHRISTMAS??? She loves me….. A WHOLE LOT!!!

    By the way, remember how I told you that I was brutally honest with the police the night of my crash about how much alcohol I’d consumed? Well I think that was from a lesson I learned that Christmas night as a teenager. When the police officer asked me if I’d been drinking, of course I said NO! (LIAR!!) He told me he could smell the alcohol on my breath from where I was standing and that he was going to ask me one more time, to give me another opportunity to answer his question. He also reminded me that it is against the law to lie to the police. So of course I confessed. And I’ve never lied to the police since. I just keep confessing! Telling on myself! Hey, if you’re guilty, you’re guilty and there’s no hiding from it. That’s the lesson I learned that Christmas night as a teenager.

    When I turned 21, my mom made sure to remind me that we don’t know my genetic predispositions and just to be consciously aware of that if I choose to have alcohol as a part of my life. Smart cookie, huh! She’s always thinking!

    Yeah, my mom and I….we’ve been buds from the beginning….

    Last year on Mother’s Day weekend B.C. (Before Crash), I took my mom and my then mother-in-law-to-be to get pedicures. During their pamper session, they decided that I needed to start looking for a wedding dress….THAT DAY! One thing my mom and my mother in law have in common is that when they have their mind set on something, it is going to happen no matter what!

    SO, off we went to the wedding gown store, just the three of us. By the way, the wedding gown store that we went to has the same name as a feminine product, which is a little weird, but they had pretty dresses so I guess it was okay. I had never shopped for a wedding gown before and didn’t have a clue what to expect. I really didn’t even know what my “style” was. I just knew I wanted something BIG, something that would make a statement. I had no idea that day would turn out to be such a memorable one…..I had no clue it would be one of the most important days of my life. We picked out several gowns to try on and when I walked out in “THE DRESS”, both moms had tears in their eyes. They knew it was “THE ONE” and so did I. It was awesome! It was such a special experience for just the three of us to go shopping and find my wedding gown together. I have reminisced  on that a lot today.
    (And every time someone asked where I got my dress, my mister would announce “At the Douche Store!”….I guess I asked for it by getting it at a place called Massengill’s…..)

    Oh, you probably want to see what THE DRESS looked like…..

    One thing that made the day so memorable and sweet was that we found a head piece that I wanted to wear and my mother in law to be asked my mom if it would be okay if she bought it for me. She wanted to contribute to my wedding day attire and that was just precious! Last year was a magical Mother’s Day weekend and this year was amazing as well. I love my family!

    Yesterday I took my wedding gown to be cleaned and preserved…..it only took me 7 months!

    I marvel at how much knowledge I’ve gained in the last year. Experiencing life  A.C. (After Crash) sure makes me feel grateful for what I have and the people in my life.

    My goodies from my mister and our son!

    Category Life Pre Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  9. Scram Friends

    May 11, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Happy Thursday, y’all!

    I am so jazzed about all of you Scrammers out there who have contacted me! Who knew there were so many of us, right? It sure is nice to know we’re not alone in this.

    Do you let your Scram show or am I the only one? So far, most of you have told me you keep your Scram hidden. Nothing wrong with that :) I just chose not to. It’s too stinkin hot for pants AND how boring would this blog be if I wasn’t conducting a “social experiment” and collecting stories to entertain you with?

    One of my fabulous Scram friends sent me pictures of her Scram bracelet….she has bedazzled hers too! She has since gotten it off, but never let it show when she had to wear it. I guess you could say this is her big debut….

    Aren’t they fun little Scrammy ‘outfits’? I just love her style!

    Hers looks just like mine!

    She has graduated from Scram now and was on the portable breath-alyzer for a little while….this guy:

    I didn’t know about this little device, but I am told that it has a camera so that the Mothership can see exactly who is blowing into the device. Pretty cool technology, huh!

    If you have a Scram, send me a picture! Are you a bedazzler? I want to see!

    I just love hearing from you! It is so nice to know there are lots of us out there.

    When we were at the Cheesecake Factory this weekend, my mister thought he spotted a girl with a Scrammy…she was in a dress and had this black thing around her ankle. Oh, I was SO excited! Then I was let down…it turns out it was a pair of good ol’ gladiator sandals. Bummer!

    We were out looking at cars the other day. I really liked this little Fiat, but everyone else thinks it’s silly looking. I think it’s rather cute!

    My mister & I and several of the car sales peeps were standing around checking out this little beauty when one of them said “You know, Charlie Sheen has one of these in his house.” To which I replied “Yeah, Charlie Sheen and I have a lot in common.” No one got it but me and my mister….until I hiked up my pant leg, and THEN they all got the joke!

     Have you seen Charlie Sheen’s Fiat commercial? His Scram bracelet is so small. It is definitely a fake.

    “House Arrest”….I suppose his is just a tracking device, so maybe it really does look like that.

    We went out for pizza tonight. The restaurant was literally called “Fabulous”….our son decided that it should really be named “Mediocre”…..he’s funny and he’s right! There’s nothing worse than soggy pizza, yuck!

    Send me your Scrammy pictures, Scrammers!!

    Psssst…..I’m 115 days sober!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  10. Beach Time!

    May 9, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    “Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol.” – Anonymous

    I have started a new book that was recommended to me by one of my fabulous readers. This quote was included in the introduction and I loved it.

    The book is called “Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety” by Sacha Z. Scoblic. I’ll keep you posted!

    What a glorious weekend on Jacksonville Beach! It was so relaxing and wonderful! And Scrammy was dressed ever so festively in a palm tree!

    I stopped at the grocery store that morning before we left for the beach and I nearly bought a case of beer, simply out of sheer habit. It just didn’t feel right to take a cooler to the beach that wasn’t filled to the gills with beer.

    We found ourselves in the middle of a surf competition. I’ve seen surf competitions on movies before….Blue Crush, Soul Surfer, and my absolute favorite, Back to the Beach (with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello), but never in person until now. It was totally tubular, dude!

    We witnessed a little girl learning to surf!

    It was Cinco de Mayo weekend. Did you drive safely? Did you designate a driver if you went out to celebrate? I hope you did.

    We ate at a restaurant called Taco Lou’s. It received great ratings, but I wasn’t that impressed. It was just okay AND we had to walk an entire mile to get there. Normally a one mile walk wouldn’t bother me, but I was in wedge heels & a dress and it seemed to be a questionable area…I was a tad scared and held on to my mister real tight.

    It was windy our first  day on the beach, but not the second day so I pulled my chair right down to where the waves washed up on the sand! When I saw that a big one was coming, I just raised my left leg to keep Scrammy from drowning. It definitely kept me nice and cool….and I LOVE the salt water.

    As I sat there, a group of young girls were coming out of the water. My mister told me they were looking at and talking about what was around my leg, trying hard to figure out what it was. I sure wish they would have asked. I would have gotten to tell some young impressionable folks about the dangers of drunk driving….

    Lots of people look but hardly anyone ever asks.

    My mister and my S went out to enjoy the waves. I was so jealous. I decided that as soon as I get my Scrammy off we are heading straight to the beach. I love to frolic in the waves. It is one of my most favorite things to do. I love to stand in the knee-deep water and wait for a wave to come and try to knock me down, then pull me further out into the ocean. As I sat there alone on the beach, watching my husband and friends enjoy themselves in the water, I did lots of thinking. I did lots of thinking about my Scram, about my crash, and about the consequences of my old habits. I thought about how different the weekend would have been, had I been able to drink. It really made me  appreciate sobriety…..A LOT.

    There were lots of cool critters on the beach….

    I had never seen a real live starfish before. It was awesome!

    The pier was full of people fishing and I saw this guy get reeled in….

      As I snapped the picture after the man reeled it in, I gasped and said “Oh no! He’s dying!” The fisherman was so proud of his big catch. I’m pretty sure he was less than thrilled with my commentary.

    My mister spotted this lovely gal. Her outfit was amazing AND she had rubber grapes strapped to the front of her flip flops! She was definitely making some sort of fashion statement, but I don’t know that she’d make the best dressed list.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Before we headed home, we decided to have lunch and do some shopping. They have the BEST outdoor mall in Jacksonville not far from the beach. For lunch, we went to the Cheesecake Factory. As soon as we walked through the door, I evaluated their selection of delicious cheesecake…my mouth watered!

    Once we had our lunch, it was time for dessert. I had the Pecan Turtle cheesecake, S had the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup cheesecake, and her friend had the Carrot Cake cheesecake.

    It all tasted even more amazing than it looks, I promise! They were so rich and delicious that I couldn’t finish it so I took it home and had it for breakfast on Sunday. It was amazing…again!

    After lunch, we did some shopping. Since it was Cinco de Mayo, they had a special little celebration at one end of the shopping center. It was basically a liquor garden. It was right outside of the Louis Vuitton store. (It was a very upscale shopping center) Of course I had to go into Louis Vuitton and of course I received dirty looks as soon as they saw my ankle. Seriously? Have they seen Lindsay Lohan? This is a very expensive piece of jewelry. I could’ve had a really nice LV bag for what this bracelet has cost me!

    There was even a Jaguars football player sitting on the Louis Vuitton couch, drinking Louis Vuitton mimosas, looking at Louis Vuitton bags! I didn’t get any dirty looks from him. He must know Lindsay Lohan…..He totally knows that the Scram bracelet is the new David Yurman!

    As we left Louis Vuitton, we saw 2 middle aged women leaving the fun Cinco de Mayo celebration (you know, the liquor garden I told you about)….the one lady had to hold the other lady up. We KNOW the passenger was clearly drunk. They really enjoyed themselves at the liquor garden, but their big mistake was not calling a cab. They carefully got into their pretty white Mercedes. It was really sad and I desperately wanted to say something. I didn’t have the courage. I hope the driver wasn’t impaired. I hope they didn’t hurt anyone.

    THEY didn’t get dirty looks from anyone but me for getting in the car in their condition, but I got dirty looks in Louis Vuitton for wearing my Scram. I’m not sure that makes much sense to me. Does it to you?

    People just don’t take impaired driving seriously. It is really disturbing how lackadaisical some people actually are. (That used to be me.) It became clear to me how ignorant people are to the dangers of drunk driving during a recent conversation I had with one of my peers. The person I was talking to was telling me a story about a night of drinking…..about how much they’d had to drink, almost in a boastful way……they ended the conversation with “and I drove home”. I looked at them and said “you WHAT?” His reply??? (Here’s where the ignorance really comes in to play…..) “You couldn’t tell.” (speaking of how much he’d had to drink, implying that he handled all that liquor like a champ) You couldn’t tell…..now THAT is ignorant. But that’s also the way I used to rationalize my drunk driving behaviors. It’s how lives are lost. It’s how crashes happen.

    This thought process HAS to change.

    Category SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 6 Comments

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