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‘Awkward SCRAM Moments’ Category

  1. Is It Just Me?

    July 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Well, we are officially BEACH BOUND!! Sir Higgins and Fletcher are uber excited about this.

    They can’t wait to get their paws in the sand, take a dip in the ocean, and most of all to chase some sea birds!

    As we are traveling, I thought I would do a little research about our destination and the level of “dog friendliness”.  I was so excited by what I found here.  It turns out that St. Augustine is extremely dog friendly! YAHOO! Let the Scram-release party weekend begin!!

    So I had a little post-Scram victory/epiphany this morning when I was getting ready to get in the shower. When you drop your drawers, they come off SO much easier without my Scrammy!  Two-legged baths are great and all, but being able to quickly remove your clothes when you are running late or just plain want to disrobe in a hurry for various other reasons is COMPLETELY underrated and underappreciated!!

    I thought it was just me until I had a conversation with @DustinDHansen, a fellow Scrammer on Twitter. He brought it up and I was so excited to know that someone totally shared my dilemma! I told him I couldn’t wait to be able to sleep more comfortably and his beautiful reply….. “or take a pair of pants or socks off quickly”. Alas! Someone else can relate!!

    It’s the simple things in life, y’all!

    Well, I think it is time for a doggie potty pit stop…..

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, Life Post Scram, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,,, | 3 Comments

  2. B and Silent Scram Strike Back

    May 30, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Do you remember this movie?

    Well, watch out world because there is a new dynamic duo out there….B and Silent Scram!

    I was so very stressed out about my Scrammy #1 becoming so noisy, especially at work, so my sweet Gabriele and her sidekick sent a new Scram to the local provider’s office. Remember the guy who changed my battery? His name is Matt. Well, he was SO nice and did another “favor” for us….he saved me a trip back to Tennessee! He does this out of the kindness of his heart and I am SO extremely grateful for him and his Scram tools. It must have been my Gabriele’s charming German accent and great sense of humor that won him over :) He says that if he ever has a Scrammer in Knoxville, hopefully Pecharelyse and her peeps will return the favor. I feel pretty confident that they will.

    It was Wednesday before my new Scram was delivered to the local office, so I had to wrap my leg with an ace bandage for a few days. It did a great job of muffling the sound, but by the end of the day it was really hot and my skin was pretty irritated. Not only did I wrap my leg, I tried my best to maintain a low profile in the office and luckily nothing more was said to me about the strange noise. Whew!

    Finally my new bracelet arrived and I was so excited!

    I swear I have the new and improved version…the one that makes almost NO NOISE! It is awesome! Seriously! You can’t hear it buzz from under my pant leg! I am SO pleased with Scrammy #2!

    Welcome Scrammy #2!! I secretly hoped it would look like Charlie Sheen’s house arrest bracelet in the Fiat commercial, but I figured I wouldn’t get that lucky.

    No word back from the Tipsy Transit peeps about getting on Drinkinganddriving.org’s National Designated Driver list, but don’t you worry….I am determined to get them on that list and I’ll be tracking them down!!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, Noisy Scram, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,, | No Comments

  3. Refreshed and Ready

    May 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    (Originally written Sunday May 20, 2012)

    “Drinking is like playing poker. You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em and you’ve got to know when to fold ‘em.”    

    Hmm, sounds like poker AND a Kenny Rogers song…

    “Maybe for some, but I know when it is time to walk away and that time for me has come.” 

    - Car conversation between my mister and me on defining alcoholism and determining where to draw the line

    We have had a wonderful weekend in Florida with our families! As we begin our journey back to Georgia, I am feeling refreshed and ready to face the world as I return to my regular weekly routine tomorrow. I am definitely in a much better place than I was when you last heard from me!

    There is just something about being where my parents live….I sleep SO well!! There must be something in the air or the water or something in their community, but it relaxes me to the max. I feel like I am on a wonderful vacation when I am there.

    We spent lots of time on the golf course this weekend and today my dad said I was “stylin’” in my golfing outfit. My dad told me I was stylin’! Isn’t he so cute??? :)

    See my naughty Scrammy? My mom came up with a great way to try to “muffle” the sound Scrammy is making – an ACE bandage! Is she smart or what! The first time my mom heard Scrammy’s obscene noise, she thought it was a strange noise coming from across the room….that’s how strange and noisy it is.

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, Noisy Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments

  4. Dear Scrammy: You’re Too Loud!

    May 19, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Well, it finally happened..I got called out at work when my Scram vibrated. This is NOT cool, y’all.

    I don’t know why, but my Scram has become loud. Oh, let’s get real…it’s become downright NOISY! As I was standing in the office yesterday, just as I was headed out the door, it happened. My Scram took a very loud reading and my employer said “UGH, what was THAT NOISE??” I said nothing. It was just me and her and I said NOTHING. I just prayed it would pass and that nothing more would be said about it. Luckily, that is exactly what happened. I knew I had escaped for the very last time. The jig is up. I can’t hide it anymore. I’m going to have to take my sweet Gabriele up on her offer to replace my bracelet with a new, much quieter one.

    As soon as I left the office, I was dialing Gabriele. It was my official 911 call.

    I believe Gabriele was off celebrating another year of fabulous because she wasn’t there. That’s okay though, I knew I was in good hands with her fearless sidekick John. Sure enough, he knew just what to do to get the process started to rush me a new Scrammy. He said it would take about one week for my Scram buddy here in town to receive it.

    Don’t you love my Scram skin, all scaly and dry and gross? Yeah, it’s awesome.

    It is probably just as well that we are switching it out for a new one, since the belt loop has finally broken completely off. It must have happened one night while I was sleeping because I found that little rubber piece in my bed.

    I dread returning to work Monday now. Will I be confronted about the strange noise I’ve been making lately? What will I say? How will I explain? Will my complete and utter honesty serve me well? I have thought about calling it a “medical device” if I am ever asked. Will they want details? Will that fly in a healthcare setting? Should I tell them it is a punishment from a car accident? Should I say I’ve had issues with alcohol and this device that I am wearing is helping me get sober? If I say that, will they think I used to be a daily drunk who needed a fix to get the day started? That’s not the type of alcoholic I am. Will they think I am a risk and regret hiring me? I am still in my 90 day “trial period”, will they say “Sayonara, nice knowin’ ya”? My work environment is highly political, very professional, and pretty conservative. I don’t know how I will be received if I have to come out with the secret hidden under my pant leg. If I am confronted, I don’t know anything other than the truth as my response, but what will that mean for my budding career in my new town? If they could only see where I have come from and where I am now….how dedicated I am to indefinite sobriety; how AWARE I am of the problem I have and am trying desperately to overcome; how PASSIONATE, DEDICATED, and OUTSPOKEN I am about DRUNK DRIVING.

    I made a bad choice. I made that same bad choice many MANY times before I had to pay for it.

    I am trying hard to not let this get me down and stress me out, but I woke up at 3am last night/this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I couldn’t stop stressing about this. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, worrying about how I will face going to work next week. Every time my Scram took a reading and that loud noise went off, I was reminded that I am going to have to go back to work and try to navigate this situation until my new Scrammy arrives.

    Please hurry, Scrammy…HURRY HURRY HURRY!!!

    Please let this be a lesson to those of you who haven’t had to go through it, just DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.

    Make a different choice than I did so that you will never have to worry about how to explain to an employer.

    Spare yourself LOTS of expense, LOTS of stress you don’t even know you would experience, and most importantly SAVE LIVES. DO NOT, under any circumstances, DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries, SCRAM Tear | Tags: | 4 Comments

  5. Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag, Gabriele!

    May 18, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Today is a really special day. Do you want to know why?
    Because it’s my Gabriele‘s birthday!! I happened to talk to her sidekick at the mothership today and he told me it was her special day. Did you know that my fabulous Gabriele has a sidekick? Yup, she sure does! They are like Bat(wo)man and Robin, but they are my real life Scrammy superhero duo! “Robin” called me today because he needed to clarify my card number for my next to last Scram payment!! Only ONE more payment left, I can hardly believe it!! Before I know it, Scrammy and I will be saying goodbye to one another…..what a bittersweet thought.

    We had our own little birthday celebration for Gabriele tonight at our house! She was here in spirit….we even had her birthday cupcakes on my GERMAN Rosenthal dessert plates! It was special :) Gabriele is special to me.

    My philosophy on unpleasant situations, or having to do things you don’t necessarily want to do…..like stop drinking, learn some lessons, wear something around your ankle that irritates your skin, itches, and makes dirty noises….it is all about your attitude. I had a good attitude AND I was lucky enough to have some really wonderful people helping me along the way in my Scram Journey.

    Really, though I have some great people looking after me and Scrammy. Let’s see, we have Gabriele and her sidekick, Pecharelyse from the Sheriff’s Department, Kathleen from AMS, all of you awesome Scrammers who have shared your stories with me, Joe Neighbor, the awesome peeps at drinkinganddriving.org, Missy from bittenandbound.com and her AWESOME public service announcements about drunk driving (see my sidebar), my family, my mister, my rockstar attorney, my twitter peeps…….lots of great peeps! Everyone has been amazing!! THANK YOU!!! (And if I missed anyone, which I know I missed at least someone, my memory is horrible, but you ARE appreciated!!!!)

    Oh, and speaking of dirty noises…..as I told you before, my Scrammy is getting loud. Real loud. It’s kind of embarrassing. It sounds like a duck…..and you know what else sounds like a duck, don’t you? Farties! Basically I go around making obscene noises every 30 minutes, but without any odor….and people probably think I eat lots of beans and have little control of my faculties. Thanks, Scrammy!

    But, have no fear, for it’s Gabriele to the rescue once again!  Here she comes to save the day….Gabriele is on her way! - sung to the tune of the Mighty Mouse theme song – (Okay, now she has earned a cape…with sequins of course AND a super hero song!)

    When we spoke yesterday, she first informed me that I have the Special Edition Scram Bracelet…..you know, the one that makes animal noises! After we finished roaring with laughter, she asked me about the noise and said that if it had become too loud or bothered me, she could send a new Scram to the man who changed my battery and we’d see if he would just swap it out. Wasn’t that nice of her? She’s awesome! I told her let’s hold off for now, but I appreciate her suggestion and will definitely let her know if and/or when I am ready to take her up on her offer.

    Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag Gabriele!

    (Did I say that right? I hope so!)

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  6. Scram Friends

    May 11, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Happy Thursday, y’all!

    I am so jazzed about all of you Scrammers out there who have contacted me! Who knew there were so many of us, right? It sure is nice to know we’re not alone in this.

    Do you let your Scram show or am I the only one? So far, most of you have told me you keep your Scram hidden. Nothing wrong with that :) I just chose not to. It’s too stinkin hot for pants AND how boring would this blog be if I wasn’t conducting a “social experiment” and collecting stories to entertain you with?

    One of my fabulous Scram friends sent me pictures of her Scram bracelet….she has bedazzled hers too! She has since gotten it off, but never let it show when she had to wear it. I guess you could say this is her big debut….

    Aren’t they fun little Scrammy ‘outfits’? I just love her style!

    Hers looks just like mine!

    She has graduated from Scram now and was on the portable breath-alyzer for a little while….this guy:

    I didn’t know about this little device, but I am told that it has a camera so that the Mothership can see exactly who is blowing into the device. Pretty cool technology, huh!

    If you have a Scram, send me a picture! Are you a bedazzler? I want to see!

    I just love hearing from you! It is so nice to know there are lots of us out there.

    When we were at the Cheesecake Factory this weekend, my mister thought he spotted a girl with a Scrammy…she was in a dress and had this black thing around her ankle. Oh, I was SO excited! Then I was let down…it turns out it was a pair of good ol’ gladiator sandals. Bummer!

    We were out looking at cars the other day. I really liked this little Fiat, but everyone else thinks it’s silly looking. I think it’s rather cute!

    My mister & I and several of the car sales peeps were standing around checking out this little beauty when one of them said “You know, Charlie Sheen has one of these in his house.” To which I replied “Yeah, Charlie Sheen and I have a lot in common.” No one got it but me and my mister….until I hiked up my pant leg, and THEN they all got the joke!

     Have you seen Charlie Sheen’s Fiat commercial? His Scram bracelet is so small. It is definitely a fake.

    “House Arrest”….I suppose his is just a tracking device, so maybe it really does look like that.

    We went out for pizza tonight. The restaurant was literally called “Fabulous”….our son decided that it should really be named “Mediocre”…..he’s funny and he’s right! There’s nothing worse than soggy pizza, yuck!

    Send me your Scrammy pictures, Scrammers!!

    Psssst…..I’m 115 days sober!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  7. Harsh Judgement: A Slap Of Reality

    April 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    The weekend is finally here and I have lots to catch you up on, but before I do…something happened to me last night that I have to tell you about. I have tried to write other posts about the exciting things that have happened over the past week, but I just can’t. I have to get this out first. I’m all about being “chronologically correct” (did I just make that up?), but this time I will just have to get over it. So here goes….

    I have been a bit under the weather this week. Everyone around me has gotten a case of the crud and it was just my turn. The biggest, most annoying symptom is my sinuses. You don’t realize how nice it is to be able to breathe until you can’t! When you can’t breathe, you can’t sleep and when you can’t sleep, you can’t focus during the day. It really stinks! Oh, which reminds me…I can’t smell either! I can’t enjoy my food because I can’t taste it. Oh, I am just so pitiful! I won’t bore you or gross you out with all the details, but let’s just say I’ve gone through quite a few tissues! Finally Friday came and I was ready to rest, but I STILL couldn’t breathe. Nothing I’ve tried has helped me. All of the great stuff that typically clears me up hasn’t worked.

    The sweet girl who is renting our Tennessee condo is studying to be a Nurse Practitioner got wind of my situation and  recommended that I try Mucinex with Sudafed. She recommends that a lot to her patients, has had great results with it, and gave me strict instructions. I would need to go to a pharmacy to get it. She instructed me to ask the pharmacist for this miracle cure. It is one of those lovely medicines that, thanks to the peeps who think they are chemists and like to make Meth, is now kept behind the counter…..

    I’m sure you can see where this story is going….but if you can’t, I’ll just tell you because I’m still  fuming….DOWNHILL! Downhill is where this story is going.

    As soon as I had gotten home from work, I washed my face, changed into comfy clothes, and crawled into bed. I looked sick, I felt terrible, I was feverish, I just needed to be able to breathe and get some rest. When I got the recommendation for this wonderful cure, I rolled out of bed and my mister & I headed for the store. There I was, mismatched clothes, cropped pants & hoodie with flip flops, bed head, no makeup, watery eyes, chapped lips….I was absolutely breath-taking!! I didn’t care, I was on a mission. I walked into Rite Aid, greeted the nice girl at the front cash register and headed straight for the Pharmacy. I approached the counter and the woman asked if she could help me. I told her I needed Mucinex with Sudafed (just as I had been instructed). Her response?????? “I’m sorry but we’re not selling any more of that tonight.” WHAT??? “Yes, I’m sorry, but the pharmacist has already said he’s done selling it for today and he’s just not fooling with it.” WHAT??? My miraculous cure was within my eyesight, it was going to make me able to BREATHE again and get the much needed rest I so needed……and THIS SNOT NAZI was keeping it from me!!! I just could not believe my ears! I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. I thought this has got to be a joke!

    My mister was dumbfounded. I was fuming. I was headed back to the front of the store to exit, thinking I would just go over to good ol Walmart. The nice girl that I greeted as I walked in acknowledged me as I was leaving, telling me to have a good evening. AHA! THIS was my opportunity to blow the whistle on those awful pharmacy peeps! I told her that I had a problem and proceeded to tell her what I had just been told. The look on her face said it all….exactly what I was thinking…..WHAT??? This is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life! That’s what I was thinking, and clearly that was the expression on her face! She apologized to me and proceeded to call back to the pharmacy and spoke with the awful pharmacy peeps, looking for answers. She hung up the phone and sent me back to the pharmacy. Needless to say, my mister had not expected me to make such a stink….but wouldn’t you?

    When I went back, the original woman was hiding between the drug shelves and the pharmacist was now at the counter. “Can I help you?” I explained that I was the one looking for the Mucinex with Sudafed. (as if he didn’t already know…) He asked which one I wanted….was there more than one kind?? Oh I was so frustrated! I explained to him that my friend who is a nurse practitioner instructed me to get Mucinex with Sudafed. It is kept behind the counter, you have to ask the pharmacist for it. She tells patients all the time to get it and she has had great results with it. AND THAT’S THE ONE I NEEDED.

    He was not very warm and fuzzy. He did not apologize, rather he explained that he had told the woman that if they get anyone at the counter asking for this medication, who has “METH MOUTH…you know, where all their teeth are rotting out” (really, that’s exactly what he said!), that she should refuse to sell it to them. It then occurred to me….she saw my Scrammy and judged me. How could I have missed this. Now I was MAD! I had a small temper tantrum right there at the pharmacy counter. “I may be a drunk driver (pointing to my Scram), but I do NOT do Meth!” Yeah, I said it. I didn’t just SAY it, I ANNOUNCED it. The kleenex in my hand was NOT a prop! Mortified, I think my mister was hiding in the Tylenol aisle.

    *Now, let me just clarify…I have always had my regular 6 month cleanings at the dentist. I have always gone to top notch dentists who use only the finest, most current technology. EVERY tooth that ever was in my head is 100% accounted for. They are STRAIGHT and they are WHITE. I have no dark fillings, only the tooth colored ones for the few that I do have. I have always been complimented on my smile, in fact I feel that it is one of my assets….can you tell I’m mad? When I open my mouth, NOTHING would lead you to suspect I would do anything with some Mucinex with Sudafed but clear my head of SNOT*

    With my purchase in hand, I walked to the front of the store to leave. The nice girl who helped me asked if I got what I needed. I told her yes and that perhaps next time, that lady will not pass judgement on people. She looked horrified. I was horrified.

    So of course, being me, I called my mom to tell her what had just happened. I was looking for my cheerleader, an Oh Britton!  THEY DIDN’T!, I was expecting her to share in my anger and disbelief, my feelings of wrongful judgement and discrimination. I told her I was so mad I could BLOG! The reaction I sought from my mother was not the one I heard on the other end of the telephone line.  First she advised me not to write about it tonight…..wait until in the morning when you are clearer headed, was her instruction to me….isn’t my mom so cool? I’m really glad I listened. 

    My mom was not surprised by my experience and maybe neither are you. I mean, maybe as I was telling you my story you wondered why I would go in to buy a “controlled substance” with my CRIMINAL BELT plainly displayed for all to see. I wasn’t thinking of that. Blonde moment, or perhaps just too sick to care. I didn’t expect that I would be turned away from buying cold medicine because Scrammy was visible. I didn’t expect to be judged as a hardened criminal, a home chemist, a meth user. I mean, sure…I like to cook, but Meth is not in my repertoire.

    My mom identified with the woman…the woman who was hiding between the drug shelves when I went back….She said that with Scrammy showing, people don’t necessarily know what that is or why it is there…they just know I broke the law. I did SOMETHING wrong. She reiterated that there are so many people with BAD intentions, that they HAVE to protect themselves. She reminded me that this was one of the risks I knew I was taking when I chose to let Scram show. My mom mentioned that I was cautioned at the Walk Like MADD event that people may not be very nice to me when they see my Scram. Darnit, why does my mom have to be so dang smart, so logical at a time like this….a time when I want her to be mad with me. I guess that’s what parents are for….to help provide clarity….and I know she’s right. Y’all, I’m pretty sure my mom just slapped me….with reality!

    On the bright side, I feel like a million bucks! That Mucinex with Sudafed was well worth the hassle….AND gave me a good story for you!

    The next time my mom calls, asks what I’m doing, I think I’ll casually say….”Oh you know, just cookin up some meth….”

    Bad joke? Maybe.

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | No Comments

  8. Ch ch ch ch…..CHANGES!

    April 21, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Date Night

    Friday is finally here and it’s date night!! I decided to put a cute little summery dress on for dinner, with some wedge strappy heels. I realized that this REALLY showcases Scrammy in a big way….like Lindsay Lohan Style! That’s ok, I thought…I just held tight to my mister’s hand and asked him to stay close.

    I tried to find a picture of Lindsay Lohan in a chic dress and heels with Scram, but couldn’t. If she was wearing a dress, she was always covering up her scram with boots. Bold enough for a bikini with Scram, but not a dress with Scram?? I think I just “out-Lindsay-Lohan-ed”  Lindsay Lohan, y’all…..ALERT THE PRESSES….and Saturday Night Live!!

    Today was a big day of changes for me. Ch ch ch ch…Changes!! (Gotta Love David Bowie!)  I OFFICIALLY left my maiden name at the Social Security Office. What’s taken me 6 months to get my Social Security Card changed with my new married name, you may ask? Well, other than the fact that I have mastered the art of procrastination, I wasn’t sure…with the move and all….which social security office to go through, whether to mail it in or whether to visit a local office. Where the heck IS the local office? Needless to say, I had no clue and I think they should make a manual, “Getting Hitched For Dummies”. Just as I was all prepared to mail off my birth certificate, social security card, marriage license, and paperwork, my mister stopped me. I probably would have deposited all of those vital records into the mail, never to be seen or heard from again….glad he had more sense than me!

    SO, I arrived at the local office bright and early…way before they even opened. (And there was already a line outside the door!)

    I was number 5 and luckily it was easy, they gave me some paperwork and said that I would receive my new card in the mail in about 10 business days. It didn’t cost me a dime and I didn’t have to wait long!

    Since I was feeling all “official” and all, I made my way over to the Drivers License Office, where the wait was a tad bit longer and the numbers they assigned weren’t quite as straight forward…..at least to me.

    E 702??? Seriously? What the heck does that even mean? I wanted to break out my Morse Code Translator or something. How long did that mean I would have to wait?

    I think I waited less than 15 minutes, which was great! While I was at the counter being helped, I got a phone call from my Gabriele!! (Despite the fact that it is rude, I HAD to take the call…It was GABRIELE!) I quickly answered “Hi Gabriele!!”…in her awesome German accent, she said “What, do you have a warning on your phone that announces ‘It’s Gabriele Calling!!’?”…to which I cleverly answered “Well of course I do!” I assessed that it was not an emergency, so I asked if I could call her back once I was done at the drivers license office.

    I bittersweetly relinquished my Tennessee drivers license, they took my picture….which by the way looks silly, they always do….issued me a temporary (paper) drivers license…that was a first….and said mine would come in the mail in about 2-3 weeks. I am now officially a Georgia driver…which also means Georgia State Taxes..LOVELY. Watch out, Georgia….there’s a new SOBER driver on the road!! You never know, I just may obey every traffic law there is! (By the way, my drivers license was never suspended or restricted as a result of all the legal junk I brought on myself by drinking and driving. I guess that’s partly because it resulted in a reduced charge of Reckless Driving, rather than a DUI….oh, that and my awesome attorney!)

    With my new Georgia Drivers License in hand, I jumped in the car to head to work and I immediately called Gabriele back. I knew in the beginning that she had been reading my stories on here, but I guess I just assumed she wasn’t reading anymore…well apparently SOMEONE is because she called to address the concerns I had expressed in my last few posts!

    Her council on the frequent, and in my opinion erratic readings was this: Do not worry about frequent readings that occur at times other than what we’ve se t up. It sometimes will sense me walking by and dial in to the Mothership to dump data. Frequent data dumping is nothing to worry about, rather the lack of data dumping would be cause to worry. I trust Gabriele, so I am just going to go with that. (Maybe she didn’t like it that I was back-talking Scrammy when I noticed all of the random dumping it was doing.)

    We also discussed my battery life. She said that she has not gotten any low battery readings on me yet, but that I have had the bracelet on for about 88 days and that batteries tend to last for about 90 days and in some cases, she’s known them to last up to 4 months. SO basically, we are expecting a low battery reading to show up in the next few weeks.

    Both Kathleen AND Gabriele said that unless it is a condition of my sentence/punishment, I should not have to travel 500 miles back to Knoxville to have my battery changed. They are checking to se if there is a provider closer to where I live who would be willing to do a quick and painless battery change for me. (Something tells me that in a town with a population of 52,000 and FIVE thriving DUI schools, there’s GOT to be a Scram provider nearby!) I am going to check this one out with my attorney. I would LOVE it if they could save me a trip, but the pretrial peeps who strapped it on me, locked it, and hid the key somewhere in the basement of that pretty brick building sure made no bones about telling me that I would have to return to their office for ANY AND ALL MAINTENANCE. (Personally I think they just loved my cheery personality, thought I was super cute & fun and wanted to be sure they got to hang out with me again.) Fingers crossed, we’ll see what the lovely ladies can come up with and what my fabulous attorney says.

    Gabriele and I decided that this calls for a company paid business trip. She should hop on an airplane and come change it herself….and then we’d hit the beach! I would LOVE to meet the lovely Gabriele face to face! I’d give her a big hug, if I could, for taking such good care of me and Scrammy! Wishful thinking I’m sure, but it gave us a great Friday chuckle indeed! I know my dad would probably enjoy a long conversation with Gabriele, spoken entirely in German. My dad speaks fluent German and loves any opportunity to speak the language!

    Today I get to go see Miss K, who does my hair…which is a good thing because I’m battling a major case of root rot…not flattering in any way!

    Now we’re not talking this kind of root rot…. —–>>>>>>

     

     

     

    We’re talking about this kind of root rot.

    I haven’t bedazzled my Scram in a while….I think today I will.

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Battery Change, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  9. Making Easter Memories

    April 8, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    mail-3

    The beauty of springtime is remarkable to me. Signs of life are popping up all around us. Flowers are blooming, trees are flowering, noses are running from all of the pollen, my car turns yellow…it’s awesome! Aren’t these little dainty flowers so pretty? Down south, they call them “Johnny Jump-Ups”. You may know them as Violas.

    ….Which reminds me, did you know that Thomas Kinkaid, the famous painter has died? How sad!

    In preparation for our first family Easter brunch, we did lots of running around town today. I have always had a family Easter celebration with my family, but this year, as a newlywed, I have my very own little family to celebrate with!

    It seems that EVERYONE in town was at Walmart…..and most of them were grumpy. Some of the Walmartians were downright angry! No one said excuse me or smiled back at me (I tend to smile when I make eye contact with people, it’s just the kind of friendly gal I am)….and it wasn’t because I was a drunk driver, either. Scrammy was out of sight today, hidden under pants. (Haha, I just said underpants!….sorry, I just regressed back to kindergarten for a second…I do that sometimes)

    The Walmartians just tried to run me over with their shopping cart for no apparent reason. I saw lots of angry faces. I wanted to get on their intercom and say “It’s Easter time, y’all!! Don’t you know we have so much to be thankful for??? Be happy!!”

    I knew we were picking up our Easter ham, so I thought Scrammy needed a corresponding “outfit” for the occasion…..

    I forgot my ham confirmation number at work, but luckily the Honeybaked Ham people were much nicer than those I encountered at Walmart and they gave it to me anyway.

    Normally, Friday evenings are our “date” night. We typically go out to eat and then come home, watch tv, and fall asleep. Yeah, we’re some real party animals these days. Funny how something like a drunk driving accident can change your life.

    I came home from work and quickly changed in to a cute skirt and flip flops for our date. We decided to go to this little pub downtown. We walked through the restaurant and suddenly I stopped dead in my tracks….there they were….a table full of folks from where I work…..oh dear! Scrammy was exposed and so was I. I don’t know if they saw Scrammy, but I said a very quick hello and scooted to the closest booth I could escape to….and I sat with my back facing them, of course. I’m sure I had a deer in the headlights look on my face when I spotted the department manager sitting there! Awkward!

    After our Friday night “date”, my mister and I came home and I put a dozen eggs on the stove to boil.

    I can’t remember the last time I dyed Easter eggs, but this year I decided that I wanted to. Our son was home and wanted to join us.  (our son…I just love saying that!) We dyed Easter eggs as a family! It was so awesome! These are memories I will cherish forever! I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to get our 20 year old son to dye Easter eggs. It made my YEAR!

    Here are our eggs! My mister and my son made the ones with the faces.

    I call this "Green Eggs and Ham"

    I think this one looks like he's wearing Charlie Brown's outfit!

    In the old days, I probably would have drank a bottle of wine while my eggs were boiling, another few glasses while dying eggs, and then ended up with egg dye everywhere. Luckily, I have Scrammy and I am sober….and I didn’t wake up to a tie dyed kitchen this morning.

    Tonight my mom was sitting at the bar in my kitchen while I was making deviled eggs for tomorrow. She was my official “taste tester”. Let me just tell you, my deviled eggs are so good, they’ll make you wanna slap your sister! She tasted & approved the filling and even licked my spoons when I was finished stuffing the egg whites. She made all kinds of sounds….”mmmm, yummmmm, mmmm”….she was having an “egg-gasm”…..oops, excuse the food porn!

    All of this egg talk makes me feel sorry for all the chickens who have to poop ‘em out…..I wonder if they make Preparation H for chickens…..

    I’m making Overnight French Toast Casserole for when we wake up!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,, | No Comments

  10. Saved By The Speedstick

    April 6, 2012 by Britton_Riley

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    Earlier this week I was getting ready for work and to my horror….and to the eventual horror of my coworkers…..I discovered that I was running out of my alcohol free deodorant! I rolled up my Lady Mitchum gel, slathered it on one armpit, and when I went to roll it up for the other “pit”, it was OUT….there was NO MORE!

    What was I to do? I knew there was a chance I’d smell like Swamp Thing half way through the day, so I had to come up with something….and quick!

    I looked under the sink and picked up my Secret….just to make sure it still listed alcohol in the ingredients and sure enough, there was the word I didn’t want to see….ALCOHOL.

    I was running out of time, so I grabbed my mister’s speedstick, surveyed it for any rogue armpit hairs, scanned the ingredients and voilla….I was SAVED BY THE SPEEDSTICK!! No alcohol AND it smelled great! I finished the job with it and….I have been using it every day since! Shhh, don’t tell my mister! 

    Nope, No Swamp Thing here!

    ….Oh the dilemmas of a Scrammer!

    Category Awkward SCRAM Moments, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,, | 5 Comments

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