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‘Life Post Scram’ Category

  1. A Stressed Out Ms. B

    May 17, 2013 by Britton_Riley

    “In times of great stress or adversity, it’s always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.”

    - Lee Iacocca

    Remember this guy? I think he looked stressed…..and I’m pretty sure he has to pee. Looking at this picture always takes my stress away because it makes me laugh! Poor guy, what a hot mess!

    What is your favorite way to deal with stress?

    Sometimes I like to take a bath (with BOTH feet since being Scram-free!).Most of the time I like to cook, especially when it involves chopping veggies…I LOVE to chop!….it relaxes me and I know I can’t drink and chop. Remember what happened the last time I attempted that? I chopped the top of my thumb clean off!

    …..sorry about that, I hope it didn’t make you queasy!

    Sometimes I just like to go to bed to escape my issues. I used to like to go to the movies when dealing with stressful situations because it was like I was escaping my reality, but I haven’t done that in a while. This town that I live in has a crappy movie theater. I’m pretty particular about my movie theaters. Strange? Maybe.

    Exercise is always a good way to deal with stress too but I haven’t been doing much of that lately either. You know what I’ve found? Like a lot of others, I’ve typically dealt with stress through a nice cold adult bevy. I still consider that as a possible option when I feel stressed, but when I push through and do something other than drink to deal with whatever is troubling me, I find that it is way more gratifying.

    Monday night I was a particularly stressed out Ms. B…..

    (formerly Miss B until I got married. Mrs. B just doesn’t sound quite right so we’ll just go with Ms. B! Oh and I think when our grandson is born in July, I’ll become Grammie B….what do you think? )

    …..SO I made a pot of soup which I knew would involve PLENTY of chopping! Right now it is just me, Higgins, and Fletcher, so I was just going to make a small pot of soup. Well, I started chopping veggies and chopping and chopping and the pot of soup just kept growing and growing! It ended up to be a huge stock pot full of yummy minestrone soup! I took a large container of it to work to share with my work peeps since it was way more than I would be able to eat. Everyone had a bowl for lunch and I’m pretty sure we all now have gas. There were a lot of beans and cabbage in that soup and it was delicious!

    That makes me think of a line from the Golden Girls (c’mon, by now y’all know practically everything reminds me of the Golden Girls!)…..Sophia (the little older lady who is super funny) says: “Cabbage she serves me, in ten minutes I could be sky writing!”  Oh, I just love that show!

    I honestly think gas may be a stress reliever too! Right? Sir Higgins didn’t eat any soup, but somehow he ended up to be very gassy…and he looks pretty stress-free to me!

    With my mister in Tampa (3 hours away), I have to do things I don’t normally do……like run the lawn mower. Oh dear….wait, actually I mean OH DEERE, as in John Deere, that was an interesting experience. Luckily it’s pretty simple to operate and hopefully no one had a video camera on me.…. you know how I like to take pictures of unsuspecting strangers….well I have a feeling payback will probably be coming one day!

    The mower has a key that you turn, rather than having to use the pulley thing. It is just like you would do on your car.It was easy to start up and it’s not so hard to push either, since it is self-propelled. The only thing is I was all over the place! I swear it was practically dragging me across the yard! (You know their slogan, something about running like a deere….well I suppose they are serious about that!)

    I tried to make those nice neat little lines, but I think I’m too ADD for that. I spotted a patch of grass in the middle of the yard that was particularly long and I would go over and run the mower over it. Then I’d go back to my lines. Then I’d spot another patch of longer grass and run over and run my mower over it, then back again t my lines. Then I’d get tired of those lines and make new lines someplace else. And did you know lawn mowers don’t really drive around curves very well? Oh, and they blow your mulch  everywhere too.  It was a real mess! It didn’t look too bad. It was definitely not a stress relieving activity, that’s for sure!

    After I was done, I tried to start up the weed eater. Luckily I couldn’t figure out how to work it because I’m sure I’d have ended up missing a few toes.

    Perhaps I should hire a lawn boy.

    Category Life Post Scram, SCRAM | Tags: | No Comments

  2. Puppy Love

    May 17, 2013 by Britton_Riley

    It’s almost the weekend and I can’t wait! I get to see my mister again and we have BIG plans. We are going to Orlando Saturday afternoon! We have reservations at a resort that looks to be very nice!

    Since I’m home alone….Ahhhhh!

    I get all the extra special greetings from the pups. They get so excited when I come home. Tonight I came home 3 hours later than normal because I had to have my hair did. I mean really, did you think the blonde hair was really my natural color?

    I love coming home after being at the salon because I love all the puppy nuzzles I get. My hair smells so good, the boys bury their noses into my hair, sniffing and sniffing and it tickles! They went crazy tonight. They were running and jumping and barking. It was awesome! Fletcher jumps so high, we call him “Kangaroo Boy”. Higgins stayed right by my side as I was standing in the closet changing clothes while Fletcher was lurking around the corner, barking for us to come get him. I told Higgins “let’s go get him” and all craziness broke loose! I chased them around on the floor for a while, they loved it!! Talk about getting your natural happy neurotransmitters (serotonin) flowing! Who needs a drink when you’ve got sweet loving dogs around!

    Once all the initial excitement was over and I took my makeup off and changed my clothes, we all got into bed. They both were all over me, almost like they wanted to get in my skin. Sir Higgins planted himself right next to me and MADE me pet him. He bats my face if I don’t. Then, if I pet him and stop, he starts smacking me in the face some more until I resume petting him. He’s so bossy!

    Here he is starting to bat his paw at me….

    Fletcher plastered himself to the other side of me, but before I could get a picture I sneezed and he ran off. Sneezes don’t bother Sir Higgins, but Fletcher gets downright offended if you sneeze. He jumps up, gives you the famous schnauzer stink eye, and leaves. I  try to apologize to him and ask him to stay, but  he usually leaves anyway.

    So, Sir Higgins and I continued on with our sweet, although sometimes violent snuggle session….

    Category Life Post Scram, SCRAM | Tags: | No Comments

  3. A Super Duper Super Bowl!

    February 12, 2013 by Britton_Riley

    Stacy has come and gone and I must say, we had a great visit! It was so nice to see my very best friend in the whole wide world…aside from my mom of course.

    Doesn’t she look sporty!

    Luckily Stacy was never a big drinker….which is one reason she wasn’t in the car with me when I crashed….actually, if she’d had anything to do with the situation that night, I would never have been in the car that night….BUT that means I’d probably still be drinking today and I probably would have crashed eventually anyway…..

    …..but I digress, SO having her here for a visit wasn’t really a trigger for me to want to drink. As a matter of fact I have only seen her drunk a hand full of times, most of which were when we first met. She was WAY younger then and trying to impress a boy. Needless to say, we have both become older and much wiser since those days.

    Here we are at our Super Bowl Party!

    The super bowl party was a lot of work, but I enjoy that type of “work”. It was fun and I think those who came enjoyed themselves. Half of those I invited didn’t come….I guess that’s what happens when you have a party on a Sunday. I really think they ought to change the Super Bowl to a Saturday. Boy was I bushed on Monday! You’d think I’d gotten drunk!

    My mister and I were the host and hostess, so we felt it would be most appropriate to be the “referees”! Stacy pulled for the 49ers, but had to do some research on exactly who #52 is since she borrowed the jersey.

    I started the chilis early that Super Bowl Sunday morning and let them cook ALL DAY LONG! A wise lady named Margaret taught me to let things like this cook all day on low heat….and she was right! YUM! She always cooked her taco meat and her homemade spaghetti sauce that way and oh my gosh, both were amazing! She sure knew what she was doing in the kitchen!

    As a matter of fact, Margaret was the first person I called the morning after my crash. I needed guidance and I KNEW she was the one to call. She was very very special to me. The first words out of her mouth after I told her I’d crashed Penelope and that I was drunk when I did it was a very firm “Call Don Bosch” (that was my amazing attorney). I knew that if that was her advice, I needed to take it. Not to mention, she works for a Knoxville law firm, so she’s definitely “in the know” when it comes to this sort of stuff. Like I said, she is a very wise lady and I have always respected every word out of her mouth. She was like a mom to me.

    So, back to my chilis….I tend to get off the subject, can you tell? I’ll try to stay focused.

    OH, and don’t worry, I made sure to wipe down my stove top before my guests came. Sorry for the dirty picture :)

    I made Creamy White Chicken Chili and traditional Chili (I used the Wendy’s recipe and one person said “that’s the best chili I’ve ever had!….SCORE!)

    I had already had tons of the traditional chili, since I’d just made it 2 weeks before the party (that’s when I got my inspiration to have a Super Bowl Chili Bar), but I’d never made the white chicken chili before and I’d been told it was a great recipe.

    Needless to say, I’m sold. The white chicken chili was amazing! I made homemade southern corn bread ….is there any other kind? …..I tore up the corn bread into bits and put it in my chili. I had TWO bowls! It was THAT good!

    (yes, you read that right…I said “tore up”…..normally that little expression is used like this…my car tore up….gotta love the south!)

    Of course I’ll share the recipe with you….

    1 pound of cooked chicken (diced or shredded)
    1 onion, diced
    1 garlic minced
    2- 15oz. great northern beans, drained
    1-14oz chicken broth
    2 cans (40z.) chopped green chilis
    salt to taste
    1 teaspoon cumin
    1 teaspoon oregano
    1/4 teaspooon red pepper
    Combine all and cook for about 30 minutes
    Remove from heat and add 1/2 cup whipping cream
    1 cup of sour cream

    I guarantee you’ll love it!! I boiled 2 lbs of skinless boneless chicken breasts the night before (I doubled the recipe….my mom always says you HAVE to make sure you have plenty of food for your guests. She kept telling me how embarrassing it would be to run out of food mid-party.) I chopped the chicken pretty fine right before I was ready to put it in the pot.

    Once assembled, I transferred my chilis to crock pots. If you know anything about me and my party throwing, you know I couldn’t just set out ugly old crock pots….I wrapped them in burlap!

    See, it’s all about presentation! Doesn’t that look better than seeing a crock pot? I think so!

    Stacy “built” my new tiered serving stand. We decided she may just have a future at NASA.

    She sure has become very handy in the kitchen! I think it was all the cooking lessons I gave her when I lived in Knoxville. (Those were some great times.)

    OR it could also be the cookbook scrap book Stacy-Style that I made for her……

     

    Yup, her handiness in the kitchen HAS to be the cookbook!

    Here is the full Chili Bar spread……

    See all of the toppings on our “Chili bar”? Cool, huh! We had hot dogs so you could make chili dogs, Fritos so you could make your own little Petro, and baked potatoes to top with chili and all the fixins. It was a foodie’s dream come true! Those colored things in the jar next to the oyster crackers kind of look like gummy worms, but they aren’t. They are chopped red, orange, and yellow bell peppers.

    Here we are, hard at work. Aren’t we cute in our matching referee outfits? :) Oh, and notice the chex mix? That’s HOMEMADE chex mix, thank-you-very-much!! It was tasty, too!

    Oh, and you can’t have a Super Bowl party without dessert…..

    Oooh, I caught someone snatching a cookie! It looks like one little person’s hand and 2 big people’s hands! I can’t blame them, they were GOOOOOD!!!

    Those were the best doggone chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever made/tasted. And do you want to know the secret?? Dry vanilla pudding mix!! It doesn’t even have to be instant pudding mix, either. Oh my! I had no clue such a simple ingredient would make such amazing cookies! You need to give it a whirl the next time you make your own chocolate chip cookies!

    Unfortunately, the indulgence does come with consequences…..

    Thanks to all those sweets, I found myself right back in the dentist’s chair on Tuesday for some more fillings and drillings… (told you there were a lot! I had just taken a “break” from my last visit.)

    I look like I’m being tortured here, but not to worry….I am in GREAT hands when I’m in Dr. Woodward’s chair! He sure knows how to numb a lady! Once again, I didn’t feel a thing! He’s a genius!

    (It looks like I was a tad sloppy with my liquid eye liner that day….hmmm, I’ll have to do a better job….and Oh my, it looks like my foundation may be the wrong color! I’m a hot mess, y’all! At least my nose looks clean. I’d hate to have boogies on top of everything else!)

    While waiting for the numbing meds to kick in, I got to catch up on the Kardashians!

    Like I told you before, they try their best to meet ALL my needs at my dentist’s office….even my entertainment needs! They are SO accommodating it’s ridiculous!

    Then, when they want to educate me on where I’m missing with my floss, they change the “source” and MY TEETH….the inside of my very own mouth appears on that TV screen! Pretty cool! SO cutting edge :)

    Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you the most exciting part…..

    No respectable Super Bowl party is complete without some good ol fashioned gambling….here’s our square sheet before everyone started picking their spots…

    My friend Laurie and her husband Mike won at the end of the first quarter, no one won at the end of the second or third quarter, but GUESS WHO won at the end of the game????

    STACY!!!

    She won the whole pot! It was a whoppin’ fourteen dollars I think, but that’s better than nothin’ at all! Her winnings paid for some of her gas to get back to East Tennessee.
    It was so nice to have her here and SO sad to have to say goodbye. Luckily we will be back up north(east) in about 2 weeks and we will get to see her again soon!

    Until then, Stooks…..mmmmmmuuuahhhh! BIG air/cyber smoochies!

    Category Life Post Scram | Tags: ,,, | 2 Comments

  4. How I Got Here

    January 26, 2013 by Britton_Riley

    We’ve celebrated my milestone of one year sober but do you really know how I got here?

    It wasn’t my intention for my last drink to be my LAST DRINK….EVER. It just sort of turned out that way, thanks to Scram. I know the Scram Bracelet is not without it’s occasional problems, just like any manmade creation, but I have nothing but praise for the device. (NO one is paying me to say this, so let’s just get that clear) The thought process behind this type of punishment is simply genius in my mind. WHY couldn’t I have come up with this?? Oooohhh yeah, because I was too busy being DRUNK! I miss alcohol very much (if you couldn’t tell by some of my recent posts) but because of Scram and forced sobriety, I was able to identify that alcohol and I are a match made in hell. It’s just not good for me and I was well on my way to ruin. It’s a miracle I never killed anyone on my many drives to the bar after pre-gaming or home from the bar after living it up, or back from the river after “relaxing” with friends, dogs, beer, and Parliament Lights (gotta LOVE that recessed filter, right? By the way, I think now if I were to take a drag off a cigarette, I’d probably puke my guts out!….except if it was accompanied by a few beers of course). The level of thoughtlessness and selfishness is something I never would have fully understood without that 6 months that I was forced to cut off all alcohol contact with alcohol. I mean sure, when I would wake up in the morning to the disaster known as hurricane drunk Britton, I would say to myself “damn, how did I manage to make it home in one piece??” and that would be a chilling feeling. But that chill would fade and the next time I would find myself in the midst of partying like a rockstar, I would not hesitate to get in the car and go where I needed to go. IGNORANT, I know.

    In the days leading up to this forced sobriety, I planned my last few drinking events very carefully. I had my exit strategy down. I knew I would be entering “the Scram zone” on January 24, 2012 (one year ago!!) so I wanted to give my system ample time to “detox” before the big day. My birthday is on the 14th and fell on a Saturday last year so I started my “detox”/ “Scram-prep” after the weekend was over. SO, that is how my official sober date came to be January 16, 2012.

    Category Getting Real With Addiction, Life Post Scram, Life Pre Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  5. A Giant Milestone

    January 21, 2013 by Britton_Riley

    I have been neglecting my blog recently and I am sorry. I hope you are still with me!

    I had a birthday this week, but perhaps even more special, I had a REAL BIRTHDAY this week! I am ONE YEAR SOBER! That means, if I had been attending AA Meetings, I would have gotten one of these……
     Well, I haven’t attended AA Meetings, other than a few online ones, but I have been sober for ONE year and I totally deserve one of these little coins! So I’ve officially given myself one….even if it is just a picture of one that I found on Google Images! That’s official enough for me!

    It hasn’t been easy, but I made it! I still struggle though. I struggle a lot.

    I have chosen to go through this entire journey publicly. Sometimes I like to think that this is just my own personal journal and that no one will read it. This will be one of those posts that I would prefer to think that no one will read but me, but if it helps just one person struggling with sobriety or one spouse who is dealing with an addict……well….. then it was worth airing my deep dark, very personal thoughts.

    I have made it my mission to be 100% honest in this blog, otherwise what would really be the point…. so here is my latest internal and external battle with my old pal alcohol……

    I nearly didn’t make it to my one year milestone. We went to Savannah last weekend for my birthday and boy is that a tough place to go as a newbie in sobriety. There is NO driving necessary, bars galore, and TRAVELING beer! Yes, you can go into any bar you choose and say, “I’d like a *insert adult beverage of choice here* TO GO, please”…….Seriously? This is an alcoholic’s dream come true and a recently sober gal’s biggest nightmare!

    Why not just put the glass to my lips and tell me I can’t sip!

    Here is my mister enjoying a “traveler” outside Boars Head Grill & Tavern down on the river Saturday.

    We arrived at our hotel around 9:30 that Friday night and once we were all checked in, we headed out to investigate the night life. Boy was that a mistake. I don’t remember the last time I felt more socially awkward. EVERYONE was drinking…..everyone but me. I just couldn’t loosen up. I wasn’t in my element and I was so uncomfortable. We walked around town, arguing about where to go. I felt out of place everywhere we went. I felt under dressed in my cardigan, jeans, and flip flops. I felt so boring. We made our way to Savannah Smiles Piano Bar. It was SO crowded and everyone seemed to be having a great time singing and laughing. I felt like I had a sour puss look on my face the whole time. I hated myself. I was a boring wife. Seeing that I was in a state of internal turmoil, my mister said “Honey, if you were drinking right now, you’d be doing x,y, & z….”

    (x, y, & z are realistic embarrassing things I would have been doing….like dancing on the bar, making “friends” with random strangers, and puking in trash cans within plain sight….among many other things) Thank goodness for my mister and his dose of reality when I really needed it!

    Now I can say I was having a pity party. I was taking it out on my mister. I couldn’t focus on anything except what I COULDN’T do. I was too preoccupied with doing this whole self pity crap to enjoy my time with my mister. I was punishing us both. Why? It was so unnecessary. BUT I can’t control my feelings. It’s just how I felt. I was full of anger at myself.

    Saturday we went on The Old Savanah Trolley Tour to see the historic sights of this magnificent old city.

    (Look Ma, No Hagover!!)

    We saw the 300 year old tree, which was SO cool!

    We went to the Cathedral of St. John the Baptist.

    I even tried to go into the confessional, but it was locked…..it was still cool though, just like on TV!

    There were 14 trolley stops and we got off to explore and for my mister to grab a nice cold adult beverage at several of them.

    Here is my mister swinging like a monkey from a tree at a trolley stop, waiting to be picked up. We had gotten off because we saw a day spa and wanted to try to get pedicures. They were booked. Boo!

    All of this walking, riding, and watching everyone drink beer everywhere we went was really starting to take a toll on me.

    I was ready to throw in the towel. I told my mister it would be our little secret, no one would have to know. We went to the “Olde Pink House”, planted ourselves at the bar, and I perused the wine list. My mister ordered his beer and I had my choice narrowed down to two. It was either going to be their rosé or their reisling, but first I would need to know if the only reisling on the menu was on the dry side, the sweet side, or middle of the road since it was an unfamiliar one to me. My mister said to go ahead. He says he was attempting reverse psychology, but after I closed the menu, ready to place my order, he began chiding me; as he knew what a huge mistake I was preparing to make. The bar tender kept asking if I’d made a decision. After my mister’s guilt trip, I just couldn’t ask the question. The bar tender asked if there was something that I was looking for that I didn’t see on the menu. She was clearly confused by my seemingly erratic bar behavior. Yep, that was a close one.

    I didn’t order a glass of my beloved calming serum. I didn’t order anything at all. My mister sucked down his beer, and we left the bar. I sulked….and sulked…..and sulked. My attitude was in the dumpster. I felt like a boring wife. All I could think of was how much fun we would be having if I were drinking. We’d be stopping for a drink at every trolley stop on the route! We’d be meeting people, we’d be laughing and making memories! We’d be having a blast! But NO, I am not the fun person my mister married. I am a boring, bitter teatotaller. Bitter because I am a teatotaller. Because I can’t handle my alcohol. What is WRONG with me? WHY can’t I just be NORMAL, WHY can’t I have a drink with my husband? Why am I missing out on these romantic moments of having a glass of wine with my husband in a quaint little bar in historic Savannah? The weather was beautiful, the french doors were wide open, it was the most perfect setting…..and I missed out.

    (Am I having a private pity party here?)

    We made our way back to City Market. My attitude was still in crap-ville. We decided to wait for our friends at an upstairs bar called “Tree House“, where we could watch the action in the square from a bird’s eye view. We could see the horse and carriages come and go, which was especially fun to observe. The bar tender at the Tree House was SUPER nice. Of course we forgot our phone chargers at home, and the bar tender charged our phones for us! My mister ordered his beer (it was HAPPY HOUR and it was only $2!). The bar tender’s attitude was so bright and cheery, it lifted my mood a bit. I asked him to make me something fruity and special and non alcoholic. Instead of looking at me like I was from Mars, he happily asked if I wanted something with caffeine! He mixed up some red bull with fruity juices and it was delicious. I asked him what he calls that drink. He said he just made it up and it didn’t have a name. He asked me my name and I told him my usual….”Britton, like the country” (I have to do that or people will say “BRITTANY?”) He brightly told me that drink is called The Great Britton! Then I had about 10 of them :) ….and I don’t think he charged me for more than one! That definitely pulled me out of my self pity, thank goodness!

    That evening we went to dinner at The Pirates House before going on the ghost tour we had booked. My mister had been steadily drinking all day. Remember, that’s A-OKAY with me, in fact I unhealthily encourage it. For some reason I feel like I am getting my own cravings met by watching him drink. Isn’t that sick? Am I the only one with an alcohol problem who does this? Please, PLEASE someone tell me I’m not alone in this.

    I don’t understand why I do it. I encourage his drinking and then get upset and irritated with him when he’s had too much. That makes zero sense. The waitress thought he was charming and the people on our ghost tour found him quite entertaining. He was the life of the party!

    See that “point”? THAT’s his famous “point”, when you KNOW he’s feeling good….look here….

    The famous point!

    As the tour went on, the less and less amused I became. My mister was the first to volunteer for interactive demonstrations, got the hiccups, and eventually wandered off to find a place to go to the bathroom…..NOT in a designated urine receptacle. He was jovial and funny and frankly he was wearing me out. I was once again NOT  a happy camper. 

    (This was our tour guide/chauffeur on the ghost tour ….. she was a really crazy driver but had a great sense of humor!)

    See how UN-amused I was by my mister’s antics??

    I couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel. When we did, my mister was hungry and we went for a late night pizza…..

    …..even LESS amused at this point….

    See that face? I’m giving him the stink eye….I learned that from Sir Higgins.

    In the morning, my mister had his green Mr. Yuk face on.

    He puked several times throughout the drive back that morning, rode home in the 3rd row seat in the fetal position, and spent the day in bed when we got home….and uttered those famous last words….”I”ll never drink again!”

    ONE thing is for sure, that was Karma I was experiencing!

    I completely earned that from all the times I’ve done it to him….especially the time I got sick in the car, tried to puke out the window as we were driving down the interstate, and instead it ended up splattered ALL OVER the headliner ….from the front of the car, all the way to the back window. EW!!!

    Yes, needless to say, we are all very glad I don’t drink anymore. Seeing how sick he got made me so happy I hadn’t succumbed.

    I WILL find my comfort zone. I don’t know when, but I will.

    My mister and I continue to make adjustments to this new life, sans alcohol – for me. I know it will take some time and many more adjustments, but I have faith that we will get it right eventually. We will keep working at it and we will find OUR comfort zone.

    Category Getting Real With Addiction, Life Post Scram, SCRAM | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  6. Unsinkable

    December 12, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    We just returned from our first ever cruise! It was interesting. Definitely a new experience. It was my mister’s birthday and that is how he wanted to celebrate.

    There is all kinds of new lingo you need to know on a big ship like that. Words like “embarkation” and “debarkation”, the directional terms were especially fun….did you know it is actually StarBOARD, not StarBIRD?? (um, was I alone in thinking they were saying bird?)  That would be the right side of the vessel…. And have you ever heard of a “muster station”?? I hadn’t heard of that before, but they kept telling us we had to report to our designated muster station to go over what to do in an emergency, Titanic-like situation. We had to do this before we could take off….um, debark?….sail away. Oh whatever.

    My mister had just ordered a bucket of beer out by the pool when it was time to report to our muster station to listen to the instructions. (Muster station, schmuster station….I just kept calling it the poop deck. I like that much better) Oh, and might I just add…..a bucket of beer includes FOUR miller lites all for $25.00. Ouch!

    We gathered up our towels, my mister scooped up his bucket of beer, and we reported to the poop deck. They showed us how to put on one of those orange life preservers, and herded us out to where we would hypothetically load up in the dingy in an emergency. As we were all gathered in very tight quarters, shoulder to shoulder with all these strangers, there stood my mister with his beach towel around his neck, sunglasses on his face, a bucket of beer under one arm, and me under his other one. He stood there so proudly and with the attention of the strangers around us, he announced “I’ve got my beer and my wife. I’m ready!” The crowd roared. He reminded me of Cousin Eddie from The Griswolds’ family! Some gave him high-fives, some wished they’d thought to get a bucket of beer for the safety session.

    The beautiful rainbow we saw as we were "shipping out" of Port Canaveral!

    Of course, adjusting to a vacation on the high seas inspired lots of questions for me…..ALL related to the Titanic. Now mind you, I haven’t seen Titanic since it was first in the movie theater in 1997. Well, being on that cruise ship made me practically obsessed with Titanic. Luckily my mister had more of a “clue” than I did and was able to answer some of my dumb questions. I had to confirm that the Titanic was based upon a true story. (Okay, I know what you’re thinking….duh, blondie!….Sorry. I thought so, but I had to be sure.) Then I wanted to know if those people were on a leisurely, vacation-type of cruise, just like us. I remembered they had vehicles on their ship though. I am pretty sure there were no vehicles on ours. The only reason I recalled the Titanic hauling vehicles is the hot, steamy moment between Kate and Leo in the car. Of course that’s the scene I would remember!

    The questions just kept coming. My poor mister had to answer them all. (As we speak, he is DVR-ing a Titanic documentary for me.) Why did they sink? Did everyone die? Why didn’t they know they were going to crash into an iceberg? This is all very confusing to me.

    That night after dinner, we went to the piano bar on the ship. I requested the song from Titanic. The pianist informed me they kindly ask that he not play that song…..for obvious reasons. Whoopsie! So, we requested Tom Petty’s Last Dance with Mary Jane instead. My mister gets all charged up by the line in the song that says “Indiana boys on an Indiana night”.  He is from Indiana and I suppose it takes him back to the good ol’ days of his adolescence/young adulthood.

    We met some nice people on the cruise. There were 2 ladies who had just undergone acupuncture for smoking cessation. They were literally within 48 hours of their very last cigarette. They were trying to quit something they loved. I could totally identify.

    I really struggled with myself about whether or not I would break down and drink. At the very beginning, I just couldn’t see how I couldn’t see this trip through without drinking.I thought about how much more fun I’d be able to have if only I could drink. Every day they had a drink special. All over the place, there were little men walking around with trays of fruity frozen drinks and shots! OH, just kill me now, I thought! I quickly discovered that these little men would gladly bring me a pretty drink with fun garnishes that did not contain alcohol!

    And they were just as enjoyable!! Maybe more!…..remember the fishing trip in St. Augustine???

    ….. My sweet son Tyler and I feeling green on the high seas….we were both wearing our Mister Yuk faces that day! (Oh, and I was wearing my Scram in that picture, even though you can’t see it.) Once I started to feel the sway on that cruise ship, I was thanking my lucky stars that I hadn’t caved to the fruity cocktails! I would have had my head in a nautical toilet. Now that’s a new experience I’d prefer not to have.

    The teens on the ship and I ordered Shirley Temples at the bars! I overcame my internal struggle and unlike the Titanic, I was unsinkable.

    I am still sober. I made it through an amazing vacation…..a cruise, my first cruise ever. With each life event that I experience sober, it gets a little bit easier. I don’t know that it will ever really be easy, but I am definitely very happy with myself!

    Category Getting Real With Addiction, Life Post Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,, | 3 Comments

  7. Mister Movember

    October 29, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    November is coming…..this week! Can you believe it? It’s hard to believe that October is almost over.

    Have you heard of No Shave November? (Also known as Movember) This is where men sport mustaches during the entire month of November, in an effort to promote prostate cancer awareness and Mens’ health in general.

    Well my mister is, of course, on the bandwagon with this whole Movember thing…..and he has started early.

    Yes, this is my Movember man. This is him at dinner Friday night.

    I adore everything the mustache stands for. I love that he is supporting a cause!

    ……BUT I HATE the mustache. It is so gross and just downright creepy. My dad has always worn a mustache and he looks SO handsome with it. My mister just looks better in his goatee.

    Tyler and I have made child molester comments, I’ve called him Stache, we have told him he looks like Super Troopers or Reno 911. This has done nothing but fuel his fire. He says he looks like a mix between Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds.

    We live close to an Air Force Base. Today they had an air show that we went to. My mister wished he’d had a pair of aviator sunglasses because he was sure they would have asked him to fly an airplane. He thinks that stache gives him a “Top Gun” look.

    (That’s me and Tyler at the air show!)

    (Those pilots sure put on an amazing show!)

    I can’t wait until Movember is over so I don’t have to endure any more of this mustache madness at my house. I hope all of these men in mustaches really does make people go have their man parts checked out.

    By the way, I forgot to tell you in my last post that while my mouth was watering for that beer yesterday, my mister realized that it was killing me…..that I wanted it soooo bad. He told me that I really didn’t want it and that it tasted like ass. He was really being very supportive. I mean, who wants to consume anything that tastes like ass? He was definitely giving it his best effort to take the appeal off of that beer I was salivating over!

    Category Getting Real With Addiction, Life Post Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: , | 5 Comments

  8. Dancing With My Demons

    October 28, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    Burning Desire

    286 days Sober

    That’s 180 days attributable to Scram, 106 days have been 100% MY OWN will power and inner strength.

    That’s pretty remarkable, if you ask me.

    I thought it would get easier, but to my surprise it continues to get harder.

    Not a day has gone by that I haven’t wanted a drink. Some days it is just a passing thought. Other days, it is a real struggle.

    My “Burning Desire” switch has been flipped all weekend. It is big and bright. That burning desire switch is lit up like Times Square on New Years Eve!

    Now, I have to prepare you for what I’m about to tell you. I don’t want you to think that my mister is being disrespectful or unsupportive because he continues to drink. It is the social gatherings when it bothers me to see everyone drinking together, but if it is just my mister having a drink with dinner, I’m okay. It’s strange how some situations are harder to deal with than others when it comes to drinking. I never wanted my mister to stop drinking because I’m out of the drinking world now. In fact, I often feel like I am drinking vicariously through him. Maybe that’s unhealthy but it’s working for me right now and I’m still sober, so whatever…..

    I watch him put that glass to his lips and imagine I am savoring each sweet sip right along with him. The lovely part about it is I get to enjoy observing the act and imagining that it’s me, while all along staying sober, so when his personality begins to change, mine stays the same and I find myself SO thankful those sips I took were only in my mind. When he starts to talk louder, when he repeats himself, when an insignificant issue or situation suddenly becomes headline news, I think to myself….was I like that??? surely not! But the answer is YES! I WAS! And then I’m really glad I am sober!

    When I smell the aroma of  the beer coming off his breath, I want to grab him and lick his face off!! Luckily it’s not always that way. Sometimes the smell repulses me. Right now it’s been down right mesmerizing.

    Yesterday was College Football Saturday…..a former weekly drinking holiday for me. We were out doing some shopping and decided to stop over at Buffalo Wild Wings to catch the first half of the Tennessee game and grab some lunch. I have been in sobriety breakdown mode and for me, this was like entering into the lions den. I know that if my mister knew how ready to break down I was, he never would have taken me there. Perhaps I was feeling a little masochistic….actually I was just ready to have a big frosty mouth watering BEER!

    As we pulled into the parking lot, I actually rehearsed in my head, how I would order a Bud Ligt Draft. Could I do it? What would my mister say? I could imagine the look on his face of sheer disappointment and confusion……a look of really???? You are REALLY going to do this???? 

    He ordered his beer and I ordered my coke. When they brought his beer, I watched the ice chips that had formed on the inside of the frosty pilsner glass float so beautifully up through the beer from the bottom of the glass and my mouth watered. I wanted to push my mister aside and grab that big glass of amazingness and gulp it down. And then I thought of that feeling of floating I would feel in my head. That moment you first feel the amazing buzz. I thought about it. I tried to reason with myself, what harm would one beer do. Then I thought of the fact that I knew my mister would be drinking, so if I did break down and have a beer, how would we get home???

    That is the only thing that held me back. How would we get home? That is the only reason I didn’t pull the trigger.

    Drinking is not an option for me. Drinking and driving is DEFINITELY not an option for me.

    I am still sober.

    I survived one more day.

    As I sat there contemplating the situation, consumed by temptation, I checked my email…..what can I say, I needed a distraction and the Tennessee football game wasn’t doing the job.

    There was an email in my inbox. It was a comment from a reader. It couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time.

    The comment was written by Corey, thanking me for sharing, that it was nice to know someone else shared in the struggle. Corey, THANK YOU!! The words in that comment helped to solidify and reaffirm my choice to stay sober. It is what I needed. Corey was my little angel of sobriety that I needed to hear from, when I needed it the most.

     

    Category Getting Real With Addiction, Life Post Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  9. Pumpkin Pickin’

    October 22, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    I hadn’t been to a pumpkin patch sine I was a child…..that was, until yesterday! My son Tyler, my mom, and I had a great time at the Pickin’ Patch in a little town called Dunnellon, Florida. We ended up there, thanks to Google. They had a hay ride and acres of pumpkins. The only thing missing was the crisp fall weather we are all accustomed to this time of year.

    We grabbed a wagon and began our great pumpkin hunt. We searched and searched the fields for the perfect pumpkins.

    We had to find 3….one for me and two for Tyler. A big one and a little one. He had a great design all picked out.

    We walked up and down the fields to find the most perfect pumpkins.

    Once we found all three pumpkins, the wagon got pretty heavy, so Tyler decided to take over pulling for me. I thought that was awfully sweet of him. He is such a good son!

    While we were picking pumpkins, my dad and my mister were golfing…..in the SAME shirt! It was priceless! When we arrived at my mom and dad’s house, I noticed that my dad had on the same shirt my mister had on!  My mom and I got quite a chuckle out of that. She didn’t notice it until she saw them sitting together in the golf cart in the garage….which was an even funnier sight to behold! We decided that if anyone said anything at the club house, they could just say they were playing on the same “team”…..even though there was no tournament going on….

    (So you may be wondering how they have the same golf shirt. Well, my mister prides himself on being something of a snappy dresser and my dad RARELY ever buys clothes for himself. For Christmas, my mister bought my dad a golf shirt, which was also hanging in his very own closet too! ….So the two of them showing up in the same outfit was bound to happen sooner or later.)

    By the time we got back to my parents’ house, the twins were done golfing. (I SO wish I’d gotten a picture of those two!) When we walked in, the twins were out on the lanai eating a sandwich and watching football together. I asked how they golfed and my dad simply said “we golfed”. My mister said he had 2 holes that gave him trouble and my dad didn’t reveal anything about his game, other than that he played. I have learned not to ask too many questions when I get that type of response.

    We headed over to the pumpkin carving party at my sister in law’s house and I was greeted by my father in law wearing Halloween pajamas. I loved it! I was also greeted by these guys…..

    My sister in law went all out this year for sure! I thought this was awesome, I just love Halloween!! I wish I had taken some close-ups so you could see the detail in them. They were really well done and super creepy! I love the one on top…kind of looks like one of the members of KISS!!

    AND she didn’t disappoint me….she made me my very own Shirley Temple!!!

    It was tasty and really made me feel special! :) When I was done with it, my brother in law even offered to make me a “daiquiri on the Virgin Side”….I love it! What a sweetie!

    All of the plastic was spread out and the little ones started finger painting their pumpkins. It was fun to watch…and super messy! My niece eventually had it on her face. It was too cute!

    Alice volunteered to be the official photographer and we started cutting. Guts were flying, pictures were snapping, and eventually we had some pretty immaculate works of art! Not to worry….while Alice took pictures, we were careful to set all of the pumpkin seeds aside for her to take home to roast!

    Mario was the first one done…..

    ONE Mario...aahh ahhh ahhhhh

    TWO Marios....ahhh ahh ahhhhhh

    THREE Marios....ahhh ahhh ahhhhhh!!!

    How clever….Mario carved a Mario pumpkin! And he did a darn good job, too! Their cute little one is also Mario, so there are THREE Marios in that bottom picture! Adorable for sure!

    (Big Mario does some awesome stuff with professional sports. Visit his website here!)

    My brother in law’s sister just got engaged and this is her fiancee’s pumpkin…..

    The Grim Reaper. Pretty good carving work, I must say!

    Tyler worked diligently on his pumpkin, which took a lot longer than the others. He free handed his design, based off of a picture he found on Google.

    Not sure what happened here, but even though it’s blurry, I think it is a good picture of the process :)

    See Alice’s pot full of seeds there on the lower left???? YUM!!

    This guy was sitting on the ledge behind us. Good news for him…he can drink as many of those beers as he wants and he doesn’t have to worry about what it’s doing to his liver! Lucky guy!

    My mister “decorated” his pumpkin….

    What can I say….Tyler must have gotten his creativity & talent from his mother and his cleverness & cute sense of humor from his father!

    ….So, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer…here is Tyler’s finished product……

    Isn’t that SO cool?????

    I just love the look of “Ooooh Nooooo!!” on that little pumpkin’s face!

    While he was sculpting the teeth, he would have to wipe away the pumpkin debris so that he could see exactly what he was doing. At one point, he was “flossing” the teeth with the cloth.

    We shared a pretty good laugh about that one, since we are SO into flossing at our house these days! Our dentist would be so proud!

    He carefully measured the space for the little pumpkin.

    Here it is all lit up….

    I can’t wait to set it out for our Trick or Treaters!

    Right now we’re watching one of my VERY very VERY favorite movies….Beetlejuice!!

    What is your favorite Halloween movie? What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

    Scram showed up in my dreams AGAIN last night. Geez, what is with me these days?? I would love to know what my friend Sigmund Freud would have to say about this. I think it had something to do with the fact that we drove home late last night and I often wish I would get pulled over as a suspected drunk driver just so I can take a breath-alyzer test! and say “I’ve been sober for NINE months!!” Is that strange? I’m not sure I could pass a field sobriety test because my sober balance isn’t that great, but I KNOW I would be able to pass a breath test! Something inside of me thinks it would be fun. Maybe that’s twisted.

    Category Life Post Scram, SCRAM, Scram Dreams | Tags: ,,,,,,,, | 1 Comment

  10. Pumpkin Carving Traditions

    October 20, 2012 by Britton_Riley

    IMG_2236

    Right now we are headed to my sister in law’s house for her annual Pumpkin Carving Party and I am super excited! My mister is driving. While it is only a 2 hour drive, it can get long so he likes to make it interesting. He beeps the horn and announces to everyone in the car that “Sherman tooted!” Never a dull moment, y’all!

    Last year, we had just gotten home from our honeymoon so we weren’t really in halloween-mode. I made the most amazing pumpkin bars with cream cheese frosting for the Pumpkin Carving Party. We stopped at the grocery store on our way to her house to pick up a pumpkin, a ghost cookie cutter, and a mallet. Since neither of us are that good with a knife and we didn’t really feel like poking all of those tiny little holes into the pumpkin from a pre-fab pattern, we thought our plan to just use a cookie cutter was genius!

    …..and it was. Once I got that pumpkin gutted, we were done in no time flat! (Which left plenty of time for drinking…..a hobby we much preferred over pumpkin carving!)

    ….But that was last year. Post-car crash, pre-scram, pre-sobriety.

    This year, I am hoping for Shirley Temples and LOTS of pumpkin creativity! This year we have our son with us. I haven’t shared this with you yet, but he is SO talented. He has a sketch book that is really impressive! (I think he should follow that passion and incorporate it into a career, but what do I know…..you can’t tell these kids anything – whew, I sounded like a real live parent there, didn’t I!) He has already been googling ideas for his pumpkin! I can’t wait to see what he comes up with and I can’t wait to share it with you! I know it will be a masterpiece and he is SURE to “win” our unofficial “contest”. I think his “prize” will be a tank of gas in his new car.

    My mister and my dad will play golf when we get to Ocala, while Tyler, my mom, and I will find a pumpkin patch to go pick out our perfect, prize winning pumpkins. I haven’t decided if my perfect pumpkin needs to be tall so he can have a long face or if he needs to be perfectly round for a cute little plump face….

    My sister in law spreads plastic out all over the back porch and everyone finds a spot and we all start gutting. While pumpkin guts fly, my mother in law is there with a big garbage bag, catching the guts and cleaning up. (She LOVES to clean! And she’s good at it, too! The boys love to tease her if they find a piece of dust in her house…which is rare. Her house is SPOTLESS! She runs her vacuum EVERY SINGLE DAY! Whew, I know where my mister gets that from.) When she sets the bag down, another family member, Alice, rummages through to salvage all of the pumpkin seeds. Her family LOVES to roast the pumpkin seeds! I have to admit, roasted pumpkin seeds are pretty tasty!

    My Scrammy visited me in my dreams last night. I have that dream from time to time. It is like the dream normal people have where they are naked in public. In my dream, I have an exposed Scram in public which can be equally as traumatic!

    Category Life Post Scram, Life Pre Scram, Phantom Scram, SCRAM, Scram Bracelet Diaries, Scram Dreams | Tags: ,,,,,,, | 4 Comments

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